EduDude

Sonny's Cloudy Thinking

2005-09-26T15:59:00.000-05:00

Today and tomorrow we have no school in Jawja. (Actually, some kids are learning as much these two days as they would on any normal school day - zero). Two days off to save gas? Yeah, on buses maybe. But do we really think that all those kids with cars are going to stay home and not drive? And if we make up these September snow days will gas be cheaper or more plentiful? I like this guvna, but this is an idea created by an ill-informed political hack hoping to make the guvna look decisive. Instead, the operative made the guvna look panicked.

Meanwhile down at the capitol. . .
Some angry moms staged a "teach-in" to protest the guvna's decision. Now these moms have never protested the deplorable condition of education in this state. Never protested bad SAT scores, pitiful graduation rates, run down over crowded school buildings, rotten discipline in the schools, or drugs and violence etc. But make them spend two extra days with their kids . . .

How bad can their kids be that even their mothers don't want to spend time with them?

So the State of Jawja continues onward and, um . . . er. . . sideways. Maybe.

Marching 110 Rides High

2005-09-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

The Ohio University Marching 110 is a big hit where ever they perform. This group is a shining example of what may be achieved when a group of individuals are willing to simply work harder than anyone else. This is a band that understands that a large part of having fun is simply being good. While other university bands are content with slopping around the field and playing music that entertains only their over rated tastes, the Marching 110 proudly aims to entertain as many as possible at a level of accomplishment that other groups are simply too lazy to attempt.

There is also a life lesson here. What happens when a group, or individual, decides to put aside immediate pleasure and chooses instead to take the extra time to sweat out the details? A similar answer can be found to the question, "Why are some people more successful than others?" Work ethic, true work ethic, is rare these days. People who consistently underachieve are quick to blame anything other than their own innate apathy. Apathy creates sloth. Drive around. Take a look. Where you see piles of trash, apathy is not too far away.

The students in the Marching 110 understand first hand what it is like to work and excel. They know that both terms are inextricably linked. A good life awaits those who are willing to earn it. And the members of the Marching 110 should all have great lives ahead. Anyway, I sure wish that for them.

Go 110! HIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Virginia Tech Hokie Search

2005-09-14T17:36:00.000-05:00

The wife and I will be traveling to Blacksburg Va. this week - to the land of the neutered turkey. The occasion is the pounding of a poor left wing university in Ohio by the aforementioned angry birds. The University of Ohio was built in the southeastern corner of the state, in a town called Athens, so as to taunt the educational system of Parkersburg, West Virginia. Not that there is that much to taunt, but the state of Ohio thought that the state of Kentucky had had enough. Besides they had to put something in that part of Ohio, why not a university? By the way, the closest city to Athens, Ohio is Parkersburg. A big night out in Athens is a trip to Parkersburg.

The big claim to fame for The Ohio University is the riots caused by bars closing early to accomodate daylight savings time. Apparently there is a large portion of the student body there that does not grasp the concept of DST. And with their close proximity to Parkersburg, these kids need all the alcohol they can get.

Anyway, we know the marching band director at The University of Ohio and he is a liar. He calls the marching band there the "Marching 110." Bull. There must be at least 726 kids in the band and I know that they have no less than eleventy seven trombones. But he is our friend and even though he needs help with either character issues or math, we will support him just the same.

Oh yeah, I can only find one picture of a Hokie. Neutering turkeys is just mean, man.
See ya in Blacksburg!

GO 110!! HIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who To Listen To And Who To Ignore

2005-09-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

Listen to the thirty percent in the middle. The one third on the right and the one third on the left will never alter their views. It has and, always will be, the swing voter that will run the country. Sometimes power shifts right or leftward, but only with the swing voters' permission does it sway at all.

The disaster in New Orleans can be filtered through typical commentary. Liberals, who espouse the need for greater centralization of government think that the Feds should have done more. Conservatives, who believe in greater local control and responsibility think that it was up to New Orleans to be better prepared for disaster. But, lo and behold, the guys in the middle got it right. Independents in a recent national poll (you know, one of those WashingtonPostUSATodayNewsWeek etc. polls) stated that they essentially blame everybody up to and including the local civilians who failed to clear out!

But this will not stop partisan hackery. Remember we have midterms in 2006 and those contests have already begun. And, in an election cycle, whatever is current becomes political. Whatever is popular will be "what I will do" and whatever is unpopular will be "what I never would have done." If politicians want to do the right thing they'll listen to the middle on this one. But I think they won't do that - so let the lying begin!

Good luck to us all.

The Mayor of New Orleans Ain't No Rudy

2005-09-03T08:52:00.000-05:00

Like most people I watched the news as the hurricane approached New Orleans. Each time the mayor of that city appeared on TV, I was struck by one stark perception - this guy ain't no Rudy. That is probably not very fair. But, still again, his lack of Rudyness is showing.

I understand his frustration with a lack of federal response. I am frustrated too. But I do not see leadership from this man. He is dependent (and this I believe was his plan) on everyone else to get New Orleans out of this mess. There are things that New Orleans could have done in advance to minimize the problems with Command and Control. Predetermined command points in case of flooding, redundant radio or satellite communication systems, evacuation plans for those in the citizenry who have no transportation, evacuation plans for hospitals and the infirmed would all be the responsibility of the Mayor's office. But this mayor failed to prepare his city for a disaster that we have been warned about for years. In other words, the mayor of New Orleans failed to provide an infrastructure or plan to which federal agencies could be attached.

Granted doing these things might cost money that could be spent on hodge - podge projects to buy votes. But now what? Blame the federal government for not knowing where to find the helpless in New Orleans? Blame the federal government for not being able to communicate with police and fire personnel on the ground?

Rudy's city was not very well prepared for 9-11. But Rudy knew how to lead. And he led his people out of disaster. He put out a face and voice that was confident and reassuring. Yesterday the New Orleans mayor had a fit on the radio. It appears that he was upset, and again rightly so, about the slow response to the crisis. But again, what did his administration do to help contain the problem in advance? Nothing much is my guess. If FEMA shows up and says, "Where do you need the most help?" And the collective response is a panicked, "Everywhere!" Well, that's just not good information. I imagine that if it were not so impolitic, that federal government officials would have plenty to say about the lack of planning and organization on the city administrative level. I imagine that they would say that they had to go in and start completely over and do planning that, for other cities, would be considered pre-planning.

When the feds showed up to help Rudy's city he knew exactly what needed to be done. He knew where to place personnel. He knew how to get his people to react to and with the feds. He had good people in place who also had good people in place. When asked important questions Rudy had good informed answers. His city allowed the feds to work from the inside out. Because he was able to provide direction his city's torment was lessened. That, after all, was his job.

Yes, the feds were slow in New Orleans. But I don't think their speed was due to a lack of desire. But, instead, due to a lack of information that should have been available from the get-go. Because of a lack of organization on the ground the feds in New Orleans have to approach the problem from the outside in. And that always takes more time. Instead of knowing where to go first, the feds had to figure it out. And that always takes more time.

The Mayor of New Orleans can complain all he wants, but at some point he will have to answer questions about what he did to prepare his city for a disaster that everyone knew was looming.

Georgia Gas Crisis

2005-08-31T17:38:00.000-05:00

Today an internets rumor got started that Georgia was going to run out of gas. So naturally, since everything that appears on the internets is true, people panicked and started buying gas like crazy.

Then the news reported the hoax, the Guvna went on TV and stated that there isn't a gas shortage and that while we do get some gas from a pipleline in New Orleans and that pipeline is not functioning because of the hurricane - - most of our gas is brought to our state in trucks and tankers. So don't panic.

Of course given a choice between believing on one hand the Guvna and the local news and, on the other hand, the internets - people in Georgia naturally chose the rumors on the internets. Then gas prices began to soar. Apparently, gas station owners saw the opportunity to cash in on the mass hysteria.

Then the Guvana declared a State of Emergency to freeze gas prices. By this time some stations were charging up to $6.00 per gallon. What gets me is not that some one would charge $6.00 per gallon, but that some one would be dumb enough to pay that much. While I personally think that all price gougers should be summarily executed, I also think that anyone stupid enough to pay $6.00 for a gallon of gas deserves to be separated from their money. After all, someone that bad with money is going to waste it somewhere. Why not on gas?

This all reveals a rather nasty side of humanity. In New Orleans people are looting like crazy. I say let them loot, then let them drown.

Save the ones who want out. Leave the rest to whatever fate occurs. Then parachute the price gougers of Georgia into the middle of the mess in New Orleans. Let's use this opportunity to drown the looters and price gougers like that rats that they are.

Somehow, I feel better now.

NEW TAX LOOPHOLE!!!

2005-08-14T14:51:00.000-05:00

I don't want to pay taxes either!

That's right! If you are mad at George W. Bush you don't have to pay taxes.

This is great. Finally, a true blue liberal who is against paying taxes when the payer is unhappy with the federal government!

Sheehan For Preisident

2005-08-14T11:13:00.000-05:00

Another liberal nutcase parent is using the death of a child to go after Bush. (yawn). Never mind a few simple facts:

1. Behaving this way degrades the memory of her son.

2. Same song second verse. A beheading a few years ago was also blamed on Bush.

3. The death of a child does not make you an expert in anything. Except what it feels like to lose a child.

The power of the Sheehan story is lessened by the fact that she clearly already hated Bush. She is now using the death of her child to give voice to what she already felt. In others words her son is just a prop in her liberal cause. I know that sounds cruel but there it is.

She might think that she is seen as a sympathetic character. To some, expecially those who take stories like this on face value, she may be. However, according to Drudge she is now calling for Israel to get out of Palestine! Yikes, she is a nut job! This is not grief talking here. This is a liberal spouting liberal think.

"Let's see, if we get out of Iraq and Israel gets out of Palestine, then Osama will love us and flowers will grow everywhere!" Such intellegence! Such logic!!! Why this woman should be president! She has the key to world peace!

After all terrorism is our fault! Golly gee whiz! I am overcome with anger at Bush now. She has convinced me. Islamic fanatics are right after all. The United States is the cause of terrorism and all things evil.

wow.

Cobb County Computer Supporters Find A Worm In Their Apple

2005-07-31T10:35:00.000-05:00

or

Kobb Kounty Kooks Klobbered Over Kompooters

Finally, a decision by a judge we all can cheer for. Cobb County Schools (GA), were about to buy every kid in the system a lap-top computer. In an age where "cute-ism" is accepted educational philosophy that sounded like a good idea. But only for a moment. A few highlights:

1) There would be no help desk for computer problems. (Unless each teacher would be considered the help desk).

2) The computers were Apples. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

3) No realistic response to, "Hey, don't kids break stuff?"

4) Bribes? What bribes?

The problem was that in order to pull off this act of sheer stupidity, the board would have to break some laws regarding taxes and spending. Oops.

So Cobb County residents have now been able to reign in, at least temporarily, the Cobb County Board of Education. But keep an eye on them - arrogance like that doesn't just go away.

School? It's Too Soon!

2005-07-29T13:02:00.000-05:00

It is hard to believe that school has already started in some places. It wasn't that long ago that school began in September. Now July start dates are becoming common. Not only that, school systems that have early August start dates are eyeing July starts as well. Why has this happened?

Simple. You must remember that schools are a government beauracracy. This means that their numebr one goal is to expand. That is what a beauracracy does afterall. Expand, control, dominate.

Teacher contracts are longer now because of added "workdays." Cobb County Schools in Georgia have five work days before school starts! Talk about padding the contract. How many days can it take for teachers to gossip and get their classrooms ready?

But the backlash is coming. It seems that people are starting to figure out that their local school, as much as they love it, is still a tentacle of a large expanding beauracracy. Fightiung back through the state legislature will be the solution. North Carolina did it. Truthfully, the teachers there did not complain. Less work days may mean less pay, but is also means more time off. the only complaints came from, you guessed it, the people at the top of the beauracracy. After all, what good is power if you cannot abuse it?

Bush Losing Touch WIth Those That Got Him There

2005-07-16T10:50:00.000-05:00

President Bush needs a wake-up call. As one who supported the man and voted for him in the last election, I am getting - well - pissed. First let me make one thing clear, I do not believe that presidents should get credit or condemnation for the economy. Presidents are not responsible for gas prices either.

But presidents are directly responsible for national security. On this issue Clinton gets a failing grade and Bush is blowing it in a big way. Let me explain. Clinton knew Bin Laden was a bad boy but interpreted his actions as a law enforcement issue and failed to act aggressively overseas to prevent an attack. Immigration policy was sloppy and look what happened. Clinton failed in his job to secure the safety of America. I do not say this lightly. President Bush's reaction to 9-11 was dead on accurate. This was not a law enforcement issue it was a military one. He rid us of the Taliban but failed to follow through with enough troops to get Bin Laden. Iraq was Ok, WMD or not.

But now Bush is failing on the home front. Our borders are not secure and not only could terrorists get in, but gangs are getting in. It is clear that every one understands that the gang problem is getting worse and that the gangs from south of the border are exploding across our landscape. Meanwhile, the federal government does nothing while local law enforcement is overwhelmed.

But why would this be allowed to happen? Simple. Both republicans and democrats want the hispanic vote and are not keen on doing anything that would rile that rather large, and growing, voting block. Let me take a moment to make one more point. I am for immigration. Our country is full of immigrants.We can all trace our ancestory to another country. (Even the Native American population came from somewhere else).

So what to do? Here are four things that I suggest to help.

1. Part of the illegal problem is the wait time to get in this country. It is too long. It must be made shorter. We must track people who are only supposed to be here for a specific amount of time. When a temporary visa expires, the holder of the visa must go.

2. Close the border. I don't care if it's military, federal or local law enforcement that does the job, but it is clear that the job is not getting done. It is silly that civilians are patroling the border. The President should be embarrassed.

3. Tell the Mexican government to shove it. Their number one industry is money sent to Mexico by illegals. Yes it is sad. But not so sad that we must endure a gang problem here.

4. Spending our money on Mexican development should be a higher priority than spending money on Africa because whet happens in Mexico affects us more than what happens in Africa. I have been to Mexico and seen first-hand the poverty that exists there. People who immigrate here are usually looking for something. We can help make at least some of that dream exist in Mexico.

(See? I am not as mean as you think!)

Bush's failure to deal aggresively with these issues is running counter to the wishes of the overwhelming millions of Americans who put him in office. Actually, I am happy to see civilians patroling the border. Someone has to. I hope they do not give up.

It's Time to Close the Border

2005-07-16T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today I happened across the Alpharetta Roswell (Georgia) Revue & News (volume 21, no. 28). There are two disturbing articles directly related to our border problems with Mexico. The first details the activities of a Mexican gang called SUR-13. Ten members were deported this week because they were illegals. One responded, "I'll be back. It's so easy. People here are stupid." This gang "distributes cocaine, heroin, marijuana, and methamphetamine, and they also commit murders, assualts, drive-by shootings, and auto thefts."

A big thanks to the president and congress for allowing these thugs into our country!

The other article is the listing of all the DUI arrests for the area. This past week there were 25 DUI arrests in the Roswell-Alpharetta area. Here's the strange part. Every individual that had a Spanish surname was also driving without a license. They were the only arrests in which indiviuals were driving without a license. This means that they are probably illegals. All six of the individuals with Spanish surnames were drunk and had absolutely no license.

A big thanks to the president and congress for allowing these drunks into our country!

We all understand that the gang problem here is a mess. Isn't it time to close up that wound that is our border with Mexico? I understand that good people want in. Speed up the process. Get the good guys in here faster. But, in the meantime, close the damn border!

At some point, terrorists will get here the same way. They will kill thousands of innocent people. And I will have to say, "A big thanks to the president and congress for allowing these terrorists into our country!" That is, if I'm not one of the victims.

WHAT? Islam Condems Terror??!!

2005-07-09T12:09:00.000-05:00

Finally, a heartfelt condemnation from the Muslim community. Islamic editors have written against violence. Stating that Islam does not condone violence, the editors said that the bombings were indeed wrong.

However. . .

Yep, they qualified their disagreement with the bombings with statements like, "but, there would be no bombings if the US hadn't created the current terrorist climate."

I'm not kidding.

So if a burglar robs your house, his apologists could dismiss the crime with the following: "Of course robbery is wrong, but you know you had such nice stuff he just couldn't help it. If you were poor you wouldn't get robbed at all."

"Of course rape is wrong, but you know, she was just so pretty . . ."

"Of course rioting is wrong, but you know, we were just mad about good ol' Rodney. . ."

So what we have is a wolf in sheep's clothing. An excuse for the terrorist act overlaid in less than convincing anti-terrorist rhetoric signals exactly where the Islamic community stands on this issue. That is, sadly, on the side of evil. There is no doubt that these individuals would not participate in the act, but it is clear that they tacitly endorse the terror and may even be cheering for the bad guys.

So don't give me the ACLU politically correct line that these terrorists are the minority. They have plenty of support. And their support runs deep.

The Sound Of Silence

2005-07-08T09:25:00.000-05:00

So today I stuck my head out of the window to hear all of the Islamic condemnation for the London attacks. Other than the sound of a garbage truck backing up - nothing.

West Good, Islam Bad

2005-07-07T08:04:00.000-05:00

The contrast between institutional good and evil could not have been drawn in more stark terms than in the diametric events in the United Kingdom today. On one hand, we have world leaders meeting to come to some agreement on how to best solve third world issues while, on the other hand, Muslims are blowing up innocent people. Meanwhile, Bono is having a fit because those same Muslims have robbed him of air time. I have given up using the politically correct term "Islamic Fundamentalist" until I see the same world-wide condemnation that abortion bombers received from Christian communities. When the Catholic church stood silent on child molesting priests - the church was judged harshly and rightly so. Muslims get no break here either. Until a boat load of Islamic leaders speak up loudly, consistently and with feeling against their jihadist bretheren it will be perfectly understandable to judge the entire religion as a hate filled murdering band of towel heads.

The stupidity of fanaticism is defined not only by the events of today, but by the sum total of events that presaged the G8 Summit. There are those that riot, bomb and spread misery and then there are those who actually do good. Islam (as defined by the complicit silence of its leaders) is the former, not the latter. We'll see how the religion those nuts claim to represent reacts, but don't hold your breath waiting for a swift and compelling condemnation. The rioters at the summit will more than likely see the bombings as the fault of the United States. Of course in the eyes of the left - the terrorists are the real victims here. (sigh)

Meanwhile, resolve against the will of the Islamic community will tighten, Bush may finally get serious about securing our borders, and Ted Kennedy can house all of the Gitmo detainees at the Kennedy Compound in Florida where he can serve them biscuits and tea.

G8 Protest: Absurdity Meets Idiocy

2005-07-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

This guy is doing more for conservatism and capitalism than any politician I know!

Attention Whores Alive And Well

2005-07-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how self involved the left is. Instead of doing things that work, they do things that make them feel better. Of course, benig self involved requires the need for a great deal of attention. The hoopla surrounding the G-8 summit(s) are a perfect example of self-annointed busy bodies protesting the inherent evil of Starbucks and individual responsibility. (Violence is bad, unless of course the target is someone you disagree with). So today, in celebration of the birthday of the greatest most giving nation in history I will buy something made of leather and eat lots of meat. After all, if God didn't want us to eat cows He wouldn't have made them taste like hamburger. I'll see you later, at Starbucks, of course.

Truth In Education

2005-03-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

It is now time for a debunking of educational myths.

Myth Number One

Other countries score higher on standardized tests than the US.

The US tests (and teaches) every child. Not all countries do that. When you hear that we are getting creamed by Japan in math, remember that our test scores reflect the testing of all students including special education and non-college bound students. Japan only tests college bound kids. Take out our non college bound and special education test scores and you will see that the US is doing just fine.

Myth Number Two

Education in the US suffers from a lack of change and "keeping up" with new ideas.

Wrong. One of the main problems with education in the US is too much change. That's right. Too much change. Behind every new and old superintendent are a host of mid-level super-wannabees. Each of them understands that the only way to get noticed is to do something new and bold. This means change at the most fundamental level. With every super change and assistant super change and supervisor change come policy shifts and curriuclum deletions and add-ons. And with these changes come endless dreary meetings for principals and faculty alike.
Add to this a see-saw of political pressure from the school board to the governor's office and you have one endless chaotic sea of change. How 'bout we just sit still and teach for a while?

Educational Myth Number 3

We need more technology in the schools.

By the way, an ink pen is technology. "Technology" is code word for computers. Here is a sample of what kids use computers for in the schools. Writing papers with auto spell check (and we wonder why the kids cannot spell?). Neato charts and grafts that take ten times more time to create than the old world 20th century technology of markers and paper. Easy cut and paste access to dubious information. I mean if it's un-referenced on the internet then it's still true, right?
What we need is kids who can express knowledge through writing. We need more pencils and paper. Sure enough, business wants employees with computer skills, but not at the trade school level of skill development. What business really wants is employees with the ability to learn new software. And that is a whole different skill set that involves comprehension. And computers don't teach that.

Myth Number 4

There are 180 days in the school year.

Wrong. We are scheduled for 180 days - but let us do some math.

Opening of school - 2 days (Just getting organized)
Day before Thanksgiving - 1 day (Too many kids out of town to teach)
Picture Day - 1.5 days (One for the pictures, .5 for make-ups)
Day before Winter Break - 1 day (Too many kids out of town to teach)
Testing - 4 days
Testing - 3 days
Day before Spring Break - 1 day (Too many kids out of town to teach)
The last week of school - 5 days (grades have already been finalized. Movies, movies, movies!)

Grand Total - 18.5 days of NO teaching. So our operational school year is really only 161.5 days. There are other interuptions that are too numerous to count.

Teachers do an amazing job considering all of the distractions. The more you understand how the system works, the better you will be able to apply pressure in the right places. Stayed tuned for more debunking of educational myths!

What? Me Post?

2005-02-28T20:36:00.000-05:00

It's been forever since I posted anything. My sister had her baby, went back to the hospital after nearly turning inside out and after witnessing that, nothing else seemed - well - postworthy. But I'm back now and ready to roll, sort of.

I have been busy doing webology latey. Going up to the top of the page and clicking "next blog." I have covered lots of sites, many of which are in different languages than my own. My lack of skooling on other languages simply allows me to get through the sites even faster.

The blog world has it all. Looking for a loan? Car? Porn? The rantings of pre-teen angst?

"i wuz sa sad wen e tol me i wuz nt purty or nufin."

By the way, that quote was from someone who claimed to be twenty years old. There are lots of these sites. Baby talk must be the new "in." The authors of these diatribes appear to be females who are routinely rejected by every cute guy they meet. My guess is that the ugly ones don't like them much either. Suggestion: write and talk like you are done with kindergarten. Maybe you'll become interesting.

Anyway, some of the writing is good. Everyone is trying to get noticed. It's like everyone opened their own restaurant. They sit and wait for customers. But there aren't any customers because any would-be diners are all waiting for customers to appear at their restaurant.

So enjoy this site mom. And don't worry - you can still use baby talk with dad.

Thank God For Global Warming

2005-01-09T14:14:00.000-05:00

This is early January and I just got in from outside where it is warm. It has been warm for a while now and it looks like it will stay warm until later next week. Which leads me to ask: What's so bad about global warming?

I just saw this movie called "The Day After Tomorrow" and as movies go this one is really bad. But the main idea is interesting. Seems that all these SUV's we've been driving create emissions that cause the earth to warm. Then convoluted science jumps in and the next thing you know, the entire northeastern U.S. is in an ice age. Which leads me to ask: What's so bad about the entire northeast being in an ice age? These yankees hate the south and voted for Kerry for cryin' out loud.

Their only hope (in the movie) is to become refugees in Mexico. This really makes Mexico mad because now illegal aliens are coming into their country. They hate that! Which leads me to ask: What's so bad about building a huge wall along our southern border to keep illegals out? With the next ice age coming so soon and the idea of all of those nasty refugees from the US pouring into Mexico, you'd think that Mexico would not only want the fence - but would help finance it as well.

But that, as they say, is just a movie. In the real world the environmental whackos claim that our emissions are causing the earth to warm. I like warm weather so I think that a warmer earth is a good idea. Females wear less clothes in warm weather and that is good. You can cook out in warm weather and that is good. Cold beer tastes better in warm weather and that is good. As a matter of fact, if you want to help make the earth a warmer place here are some things that you can do:

1) Go through only the most crowded drive throughs restaurants. This will give you reason to idle your car longer, creating more earth warming emissions.

2) Don't even begin to decide what you want until the last minute. Take your time.

3) Don't get your money out until you actually get to the 1st window. Be sure to wait until they ask for your money.

4) Never pay with correct change!

5) Eat your meal in your car with your engine running.

6) Always slow down and stop for a yellow light.

Following these tips will keep those emissions flowing. Maybe next year we can have an even shorter winter. But for now, start your engines!

US Tsunami Donations Fail To Make The Grade - Or Do They?

2005-01-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

Once again, the "media," when given the chance, joins the world in poo-pooing the American character. In today's Atlanta Journal Constititution there appears a front page article with the heading, "Do we give enough?: The U.S. is the world's biggest donor of foriegn aid, but with its wealth and population, it is far from being the most generous." Excuse me? Far from being the most generous? The article uses a per capita average to support the conclusion in the headline.

I have learned recently that when someone states "research" or "statistics" as evidence that those facts should be looked into. So let's look at the facts. According to the AJC the US has pledged 350 million dollars in aid. There are, according to this site 288, 705, 715 Americans in the US. That is a total of $1.21 per person in aid. The combined donations of other "rich" countries like Canada, Germany, France, and England amounts to $212,000,000. The combined populations of these countries is 233,903,275. That is a total of $.91 per person. I realize that thirty cents per person is probably no big deal. But the AJC would have its readers think that we Americans give less per capita. A whole lot less. And, while the US is busy protecting South Korea from the North Koreans and rebuilding Afghanistan and Iraq and, oh yeah, giving aid all over the world; the other countries (save England) don't have to spend hardly a dime on their own defense.

So let's be fair, then. Take England out of the mix. They are our allies, after all and have a great deal invested militarily. The new amount, per person in Germany, Canada, and France is $.67 per person. For each country it breaks down like this:

Canada 33 million in aid 31,842,252 people $1.04 per person

Germany 27 million in aid 81,817,335 people $o.33 per person

France 57 million in aid 60,453,245 people $0.94 per person

If we were to match these countries dollar for dollar, we would get a refund!

So is it lazy reporting? No. The headline should have read, "The US Continues To Give At Record Rates." But what agenda would that forward? Sometimes you just have to create an opportunity to bash the US. This is like Kyoto all over again. "The US should do more! "

The politics of all of this, while not suprising, are still sickening. The UN and its sycophants are using the tsunami as an opportunity to take a swipe at the US. After all, the UN should run things - not the US. Meanwhile, here at home, some are suggesting that the tsunami has created an opportunity for the US to show its compassion. How anyone can see tragedy as opportunity is still beyond me.

I think the US government should do what it is already doing. Provide aid as fast as possible, in the most efficient ways available. Continually assess the situation and remain flexible to the needs of the region. Let the UN stew. Their problem is not that we don't give enough, it's that we will not let them control the money we do give. There is good reason for not trusting the infrastucture of the UN - remember "Oil for Food?" That was a rousing humanitarian success, wasn't it?

So here is what we are left with: What ever country is seen as the most powerful will always be trashed by the ones that are less so. We must get used to that fact. If they ever stop throwing rocks, it will not be because we are doing things right, it will be because we are too weak to do much at all.

Beware The Pee Nazi

2004-12-25T21:19:00.000-05:00

Of course, to expect a normal Christmas at our house is like expecting Virginia Tech to not have a felon on the football team. Or expecting Southern Mississippi to be able to defeat The University of Our Lady of the Woods - El Paso during regular season play.

Anyway, you might be wondering what all this has to do with the Pee Nazi. Well, as it turns out the Tech Grad was unable to complete a successful download of the yard monkey because the monkey had an attitude. So the Yard Monkey Doctor determined that if the kid wasn't going to cooperate that he would go in and take the child by force. I think they call it a "C-Section." The kid turned out to weigh only seven pounds, which is bad because if you are going to have an attitude you should have some weight to back it up. Either that or a gun. But lacking both leaves you vunerable to doctors who just don't have time for all that crap.

So now it's Christmas Eve, a week after the Doctor/Monkey confrontation and the Tech Grad starts to turn inside out. I'm not kidding. One minute we're talking and the next minute my wife says, "Hey, you're turning inside out." Turning inside out can't be a good thing. Apparently the Tech Grad blew out some staples or stitches or something and started to open up across the mid-section. She didn't feel anything because she was stoned on pain killers. Which is why my wife, who tends to notice things like gushing rivers of blood, was the first to point out the problem.

According to the internet (you should believe everything you read on the internet) once a C-Section incision starts to open up it will not stop, allowing everything that is inside to move to the outside until the outside is on the inside and vice-versa. And Bingo Presto - you're inside out! Now, for some families having someone turn inside out may be a normal occurrence, but not even our disfunctional family has seen anything like this. So Just Dean calls the Yard Monkey On Call Service and explains that his wife is turning inside out and wants to know just exactly what, if anything, should be done. Their advice was to "bring her in before she turns completely inside out and looks like Jaba The Hut from "Star Wars."

Now it's off to the hospital. The people at the emergency room were very nice and were excited that a cast member from Star Wars was actually there in person. After signing some autographs the Tech Grad was hauled off to surgery to stop the splitting process and, more importantly, score some top shelf pain killers.

The following day the doctor told her she could go home - after she peed. To oversee the Pee Process they assigned the hospital Pee Nazi. The Tech Grad knew she was in trouble when the Pee Nazi demanded that she drink at least 2 gallons of Coke in ten minutes. (By now it was Christmas Day and even Pee Nazi's want to be home on Christmas). The Tech Grad cringed when the Pee Nazi wrote "Urine trouble young lady" on the chart. Hours passed and no pee. Gas passed, and no pee. Finally, the Pee Nazi determined that the reason the Tech Grad couldn't pee was because she was too close to the bathroom. "Let's walk to the other end of the hall, the furthest point from the toilet," said the PN. "If you are too far away to get back in time, you'll have to pee. It works everytime." A few minutes later the Tech Grad was sent home, the PN was able to clock out, and the janitor had a mess at the other end of the hall.

So baby and mommy and Just Dean are all at home now. Their house is the one on the street with all of the cars out front. Word that you have lots of quality pain killers travels fast in the Roanoke Valley.

"I Put Your Nuts In The Bowl"

2004-12-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

This is another quote from my wife. I'm not sure if she was talkiing about the walnuts that we just bought from the store or if she was just reminding me who's in charge. Needless to say, I make it a habit to never question her authority.

Plot To Raise Christmas Cash Is A Bomb

2004-12-11T23:06:00.000-05:00

So a 14 year old kid takes a pipe bomb to school so he can sell it for $35.00 and use the money for Christmas presents. Right.

And the principal of the school is not upset because, after all, he is a good boy and he just -oops- did something "stupid." Right.

And nothing should happen to this really good kid, even though the police found two unfinished pipe bombs at the kids house. Right.

Translation: A 14 year old boy brings a bomb to a private school to sell and he shouldn't be punished because his parents have scads of cash and new buildings aren't free you know.

But do not despair, this kid is going down. While school administrators slam kids who do much less, they always seem to want to give the real dangrous kids a big sloppy hug. Fortunately, the law is on this one and the parents of the other kids will have a hard time supporting the school's "kiss a crook" program.

Meanwhile his family will have to do without decent Christmas presents from this kid, unless of course, he does well in Juvey Jail crafts class.

How To Be A Bad Parent

2004-12-08T18:39:00.000-05:00

This news story has gained much attention on a slow news day. The parents of two lazy kids have decided to go on strike because the kids aged 12 and 17 refuse to do chores or help around the house. The parents have set up a tent in the driveway and refuse to cook, clean, or drive the kids anywhere.

This whole situation, while entertaining, forces me to ask, "How did it get this far?" My question was quickly answered when I read that apon the kids' arrival home the oldest was angry at his mom. Then I read this quote, "The mother followed the boy inside the house trying to console him." There it is. The answer to my question. Mom took a stand, and within 2 minutes completely caved in. The parents are weak and the kids are in control. Perhaps these parents should find a way to not fear their kids. Because if you want a best buddy, go get a best buddy. But your teenage kids will not fill that role. Nor should you expect them to. Besides, your best buddy would help you around the house.

So now we have two brat kids who bully mom by with holding love and a mom and dad who are too weak to do anything about it. Weak parents are more common than you think. I see evidence of it every day in the classroom. But on a slow news day - weak parents and their boorish kids are news. Maybe someone should call Jerry Springer.

Baby Boy Or Cheese Cake? You Decide

2004-12-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

As yet another week goes by waiting for the Tech Grad to spew forth her offspring, rumors are beginning to circulate that she is not pregnant at all. Her older brother, The Terminator, has begun to muse that perhaps the Tech Grad's alledged pregnancy is not a pregnancy at all but a cover story for a nine month cheese cake orgy. "I'm not sure if she is having contractions or intestinal cramps," says The Terminator. "I wonder if what she really needs is some laxatives, a good book and two hours on the potty."

Even her late grandmother has spoken from the beyond. "My gawd, girl. Look at yo' hay-ya. You look mis-erble. Maybe you need some Senecots." (The previous quote is a phonetically correct Lynchburg, Va. accent).

Her hubby, Just Dean, has been finding suspicious crumbs around the house. "There's just crumbs everywhere. She blames the animals." No one knows whether or not the rumor is true. "Don't ask me," says The Terminator. "I just start the rumors. It's an Army thing."

Developing . . .

Tech Grad Thinks Back To Her Youth

2004-11-29T19:44:00.000-05:00

Carrie, the fetus laden sister, remembered her first high school date and how he reacted to meeting my dad. "He was shocked that my dad could attempt to match all of those colors and fabrics at the same time." As for her take on her first boyfriend, "He wasn't very photogenic and he couldn't hold his booze. But I loved his hair. Ooh he had such nice hair."

She has started thinking about her early days. "Being retrospective is what us prospective moms do," she explains. But will she ever reveal how she used to score pocket change and her run in with the LAW?

Her hubby, Just Dean, is understanding, "I had my wild days," he revealed. "One time, I stayed out past 9:30. Man, was I in trouble."

But late nights out are a thing of the past for this couple. Soon all they will know will be the different fluids that a large baby can create (with the associated smells and orifices from whence they are produced). Screaming and loud crying will be the norm. But Just Dean will not be able to sustain his tantrums and will have to relent to the work at hand.

The BABY DROP will be at any time.

Developing . . .

Tech Grad Defends Her Bird

2004-11-28T20:43:00.000-05:00

The previous post (which was not meant to impugn any school anywhere, hardly at all, well sort of, OK yeah I got a dig in on Va. Tech. And maybe Radford - a little) seems to have ruffled some feathers (sorry). My sister, the Va. Tech grad, sent me this picture of the frightening Tech mascot. She will use images of this bird to discipline her child.

Now I know fear.

Thanks, sis.

Good Parenting Can Overcome Bad Influences

2004-11-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

Most people try to avoid Blacksburg, Virginia. My sister Carrie, who is about to unleash a yard monkey from her womb, heard there was a party in Blacksburg and went to check it out. It turns out they call the party Virginia Tech. She liked the party and stayed. Eventually she graduated with a "Kollej Digree." There are two ways to get a degree at Virginia Tech. One is to stay at the party long enough that you "age out." The other way is to drive around campus with an open window. Someone is bound to throw a diploma into your car. You just don't know what the degree will be in. Sometimes you have to drive around a good twenty minutes before you get a diploma in something you like. I would never drive around Va. Tech with my window open because once you have a degree from that school it is difficult to dis-own. Some employer will find out and, after that, welfare is your only option.

My other sister, Helen, actually LIVES in Blacksburg. No one understands it. She is smart enough to know better. She has a degree in Criminal Justice, which is good because she has two kids. Every parent with two or more kids should have a degree in Criminal Justice. Or at least a degree in Criminal because after a while justice is no longer a priority. Her kids are very bright. You would never know that they live in Blacksburg. To spend time with them you would swear that they must be from someplace like Charlottesville or another reputable university town. They will, I believe, be the exception to the Blacksburgian Rule. They will run major corporations and the only trailer they will ever know is the movie preview kind. This is because my sister, Helen, will not allow them to behave as if they are from Blacksburg.

I think that the problem with Blacksburg is that the university mascot is a Hokie. For those of you that are not true believers in the World Wrestling Federation - a hokie is a castrated turkey. I am not making this up. Turkeys are already harmless dumb birds. But to do that to such a pitiful animal is just plain mean. At Va. Tech football games they play a loud turky gobble to scare the opponents. In the middle of the game you suddenly hear a high pitched, fast paced, "GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE." At this point the opposing team wets themselves - - from laughter. I think that the recorded turkey gobble would be more fear inducing if it had a proper amount of testosterone in its system.

My brother, The Terminator, went to Radford University. I don't think Radford has a mascot. If it did it, they would be the Radford Comatose. Everyone is afraid of comas. But, being Radford, someone would spell coma, c-o-m-m-a. That would pretty much end it. No one is afraid of a comma. Unless they had a really bad language arts experience.

This brings us to the crux of the problem. Universities pick mascots that instill fear. This means that the folks in Blacksburg are actually afraid of castrated turkeys. Now, I would think that turkeys would not necessarily be something to be anxious about, unless of course, the bird has revenge on its mind.

So Helen and her husband are raising two girls in this atmosphere. Her husband isn't afraid of turkeys because he is a hunter and shoots stuff with his gun. And I don't care how angry your average castrated turkey is, he can't stop a bullet. Maybe this is why Helen's kids are so smart. There is no fear in their household of vengeful turkeys on the prowl.

Hopefully her kids will go to a good college like THE University of Virginia. They can be Wahoos and carry small swords and wear really flashy hats with feathers. But in the meantime, they will have to work at overcoming their environment. And by all I can see, their parents have them on the right track.

Mike Tyson Makes A Comeback, Yo

2004-11-22T20:21:00.000-05:00

Mike Tyson will replace Ron Artest on the Indiana Pacers basketball team. "I am so excited," said Tyson of the deal. "I get to be beatin' on scrawny white people and get me some moneys. I told coach dat I'd bite em' if he say so. You know, I was born a fighter so I can't wait for da first game." The next Pacers game will only be shown on pay-per-view.

The legendary Don King brokered the deal. "Mike Tyson is the greatest basketball efficienado expert of all time. His prowessnes in the ring has translatability to the court. Of this I am outstandasciously overconfidentable."

Pacers fans are eager to fight Tyson. "This is the greatest thing that has ever happened in basketball, " said one fan. "I'm buying extra beer and popcorn! I mean, to go a few rounds with Iron Mike Tyson? Are you kidding me? It's a basketball fan's dream."

Another fan echoed that thought. "Artest hits like a girl. Tyson will be much better."

Developing . . .

The Difference Between A Roll And A Biscuit

2004-11-21T09:57:00.000-05:00

I have recently written about my brother's (The Terminator) extended service in Iraq. There will be more stories coming soon and if he won't tell them then I just have to make some up - because, hey, I just promised more of those stories. Anyway, since my sister is about to download a linoleum lizard any day, I thought it appropriate to give you, the reader, a small glance at my other siblings' families. Since my brother is old and could die any day it is only fair that his family be featured first.

The Terminator is married to the Terminatrix and they have one son. The kid's name is Opie or Barney or some other name from the old TV show and he is already smarter than his dad (which may not be saying much). Oh, his name is Android, the Son of Terminator and Terminatrix. Android is in high school and apparently is really enjoying his third tour of duty in tenth grade. He has, according to his father, a girlfriend named Stella or Steve or something. She supposedly has only one tooth and it is smack dab ("smack dab" - sounds like Andy Griffith doesn't it?) in the middle of her mouth. Having the one tooth placed perfectly in the center of her mouth is helpful because she works at the local Krispy Kreme carving holes in doughnuts.

The tooth, after years of service in the doughnut industry, is not doing so well and has turned an ominous shade of green. Fortunately, the Krispy Kreme Dental Plan will cover the replacement of the tooth and, to ensure longevity and more efficient cutting, this one will be gold plated. This makes The Terminator happy because it means a continued steady flow of free doughnuts to his house.

I don't know why The Terminator is so interested in free doughnuts because The Terminatrix can really cook. Food is serious business at the Terminator household and both The Terminator and Android are very well fed. Of course, because of the genetic make-up of her husband and son, the Terminatrix allows no beans in the house. But she does serve up real food real well. What she does best is dinner rolls. She makes great rolls. DO NOT make the mistake here of confusing a roll with a biscuit. Yankees tend to not know the difference so I'll take a moment and explain the difference here.

You can eat a roll faster than you can eat a biscuit. Biscuits are dryer and you must stop and sip some beverage mid-bisciut. As for rolls, you can eat nine or ten of those suckers without getting thirsty. Anyway, that's the way my family does it.

So if the Terminatrix will leave her recipe for rolls or biscuits or any other favorite dish of either The Terminator or Android, Son of The Terminator and Terminatrix - all of cyber space would appreciate it. Meanwhile, I think I'll go get some doughnuts.

Popular Carol Re-Write Reflects New Reality

2004-11-20T15:21:00.000-05:00

Oh you better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is dead

He can't see you when your sleeping
Doesn't know if you're awake
Doesn't know if you've been bad or good
So, hey, who cares?

Crime rate to soar in 2005.
Developing. . .

Army Soldier Unleashes Gas In Iraq

2004-11-16T22:20:00.000-05:00

If you think you heard war stories on TV, wait till you hear about my brother's butt kickin' in Iraq. My brother just recently returned from Iraq. He spent about 200 years there playing daddy to young soldiers and terrorizing the locals with his flatulence. It should be noted that he comes by his flatulence honestly. (They call my mom "Boomer" with good reason).

Anyway my brother (here after referred to as the "Terminator") who is not a violent person by nature, managed to get violent in Iraq. I know this because while he didn't shoot people, he did shoot buildings. Apparantly, according to the Terminator, a full 93.2% of all of the pock marks you see on buildings in Iraq were placed there by him. "Shooting at buildings is good clean fun. I get in trouble every time I do it in the States."

I asked him if he ever shot at the enemy. "No, they moved around too much. Besides, we had guys who did that stuff. Buildings don't move. Much easier targets." I forgot to mention the Teminator is very old so he needed to only be shooting at big things that didn't move. Also, because of his old age (I think the army calls it"seniority") he was limited mostly to shuffling papers and killing empty buildings.

At one point they decided to have hime "ride along" with convoys. Now this was dangerous work and would have been even more so had they let him drive. This gave him lots of practice at shooting buildings. And, as a bonus, he was able to shoot at buildings that would have been too far to walk to. How much shooting did he do? Well as he put it, "Only wimps return to base with bullets."

His special weapon, though, was in the army beans. Lots and lots of army beans. Even now he gets tears in his eyes remembering his beloved beans. (It should be noted that his wife , the Terminatrix, keeps no beans in the house because she is much smarter than the army). So my brother would eat the beans and ride in the convoy yelling things out the window of his truck like,"Come and get me now you Iraqi turds! Let me show you what mamma taught me!" Explosions would be heard, men would duck for cover and the Terminator would just smile quietly to himself. I asked him if his habits caused harm to his own men. "Hell no, they had gas masks! It's their fault if they didn't wear'em." He even wrote a poem about his experience:

"Beans, beans the wonderfull fruit,
My explosions and effusions will make them scoot!
And all those insurgents who don't like my smell,
Better stay upwind or they'll surely catch hell!"

At this point the Terminatrix rolls her eyes and signals that it is time for the old man's nap.

We Are All Lunatics!!

2004-11-14T19:59:00.000-05:00

I just found out from Just Dean that my sister will give birth in the family tradition. At first I thought he meant that she would give birth in a car pulled over by the police while the driver was being arrested for drunk driving. But apparently Just Dean was referring to a whole other family tradition that I did not know about. Apparently, for generations, the females on my mom's side of the family give birth during full moons. I had to put a picture of the moon with this post because without it people, who know my family tree, would assume the the phrase "full moon" has something to do with my dad and Aunt BettyAnn. Which, of course, it could but thankfully doesn't. I would hate to have to describe that scene from a long ago party, and I don't have pictures of the event. So let's just leave that right there.

Anyway, my sister will download the rug rat during a full moon next week. Exactly who will do all of the howling is still up for debate. We'll just have to check in later.

Celebrity Death Match!! Eminem vs. Minime

2004-11-13T10:23:00.000-05:00

Minime and Eminem are in a dispute over who should change a single letter in the spelling of their names so that their names, when spelled backwards, appear the same. "Eminem is just picking fights everywhere," said the diminutive movie star. "He hates midgets. Pure and simple."

Celebrity Death Match! Jackson vs Eminem

2004-11-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

Michael Jackson be hatin' on Eminem. Eminem be dissin' Michael.

(Translation: Michael Jackson is upset with Eminem because Eminem makes light of Michael Jackson's legal troubles in his latest video).

PhotoDude Kicks Butt At CBS

2004-11-12T20:27:00.000-05:00

PhotoDude was upset the other night and now his publication of his personal outrage has caused a poor, defenseless producer at CBS to lose her job. All of this began when Arafat chose to die during a highly rated "CSI Internal Special New York Crimes Victim's Unit" television show on CBS. For some reason the producer interupted the show "right at the good part" to announce Arafat's demise. At first, CBS issued an apology, but thought better of it and fired the individual in charge of the decision making. Arafat had no comment on the ordeal. So there are two lessons here. One- if you are famous do not die "right at the good part" of one of PhotoDude's shows. Two- PhotoDude will come after you big time if you cross him. Arafat is lucky he's dead.

The New World Threat

2004-11-10T19:02:00.000-05:00

It's time to get a perspective on just what the latest threat to world peace has turned out to be. Fanatical Islam has now found a place in history along with communism and facism. Islamic Facists are now killing wherever they can and whenever possible. From the Ivory Coast to the Netherlands , the Pacific Rim and the Middle East, this new threat is real and growing. The larger conflict has yet to reveal itself and is so far limited to a few hot spots around the world. The most threatening aspect, however, is the deafening silence on the subject from supposedly peaceful Muslims. Their complicity is exposed by their refusal to take a loud and firm stand against barbarism. By refusing to condemn these actions they are, in effect, allowing it to spread. The Muslim community is so far using the fact that the world is more concerned about appearing racist than demanding a Muslim response to this new reality. This fear of being derided as impolitic is providing cover for a growing danger.

While a dovish society wrings its hands, wondering what to do and how to avoid the ire of the enemy, the world slowly marches forward to a certain conflagration that will rival both of the first world wars. The fight will ultimately be a religious one. Christians and unlikely allies will be arrayed against a force that rejoices in matyrdom and sees anarchy as a first step towards rebuilding a Holy Muslim Empire. If society thinks that this new enemy will try to salvage anything and thus avoid certain targets or tactics, then society will have greatly underestimated this threat.

The result of all of this will be a horrifying death toll. The non-Muslims will win, but without a moderate wing willing to take a stand, Islam may cease to exist as a force of any kind. All of this can be avoided only if alleged moderate Muslims enter the fight in a forceful and volumous way. The extremists must be isolated within their own religion. It will not make them go away, but it will make them weaker. And the weaker they are, the safer we all are.

Another Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo

2004-11-08T21:12:00.000-05:00

Maureen Dowd and the rest of the left still don't get it. Cries of Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo are being heard from every corner of the country in a vain attempt to explain this latest defeat of liberalism.

"Bunches of Rednecks ran out and voted in huge numbers!" stated Justine Dean in explaining his registering this post election Nanny-Poo. "That's just not right. Republicans got every dumb redneck they could find out to vote. We tried to get our dumb people out and we just don't have as many. We need more dumb people on the left. We're just too smart for our own good."

Other intellectual elitists agree. "Really, how they got all of those idiots out to vote when they can barely read or speak in coherent sentences is amazing," said one well connected DNC operative. "Justine is right. As long as they have all of the dumb people and we only have smart ones, we're going to continue to lose and lose big."

The operative had no answer in explaining the dummies in Florida who couldn't read a ballot in 2000. "Well, the best I can figure is that they used to be republicans and just hadn't completely caught up yet."

No one knows what this latest round of Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo will bring about. There is no doubt that the left is fired up. Amoung other things they are angry that in Ohio, as well as other states, dead people, fictional people, and felons were systematically denied the right to vote. They are also upset that George Soros lost almost 30 million dollars on the campaign. One dispirited college democrat was wondering out loud if they should have a fund raiser to help Mr. Soros recoup his loss. "Maybe we could have a car wash or something."

The fallout will surely continue. "The strategy is to tell it like it is," stated Professor Riley Spindorf of Virginia Tech. "Maureen Dowd and the other talking heads of the left will be unmerciful in lambasting the uneducated right wing of the country. They will explain, in writing, step by step exactly how stupid these voters are, and that no one with an IQ over 72 voted for Bush. They will further demonstrate that going to church is OK but being religious will not be tolerated. We will just wear them down until they get smarter and vote for whoever the DNC nominates next time around." The professor had no answer when it was pointed out that none of the republican voters could read so they probably would not get the message.

Developing. . .

"I Don't Know Nothin' About Birthin' No Babies!"

2004-11-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

My sister, Carrie is having a baby - soon. Now most people know at least one person who might know someone who has had a baby before, but this will be different. I understand that she is dialated. This disappoints me because she should know better than to be smoking pot while she is pregnant.

I imagine that Carrie will be rotating between three personalities at the hospital. The first will be characterized by her yelling, "Lawdy, lawdy, lawdy!! What iz happnin' to me? Oh merciful Jesus!! Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy! Ahm in so much pain, merciful Jesus! Lawd!!"

The second personality will be the fake calm personlaility as she pretends to breathe like she's been told. "Whew, whew, whew. You know, whew , whew, whew, this is going to be just fine. Whew, whew, whew, the doctors and nurses here, whew, whew, are very excellent, whew, whew. And polite, whew, whew, no one has even whew, been on my case, whew, for smoking pot, whew."

The third personality will be a cross between a demon and Aunt Esther from "Samford and Son." This is the point where she is in bed and grabs her husband by the collar, brings him close to her face and yells, "I want pizza! Bring me sum dayum pizza. You did this to me. At least I think it wuz you, now where iz mah pizza!!" At this point I must introduce her poor husband Dean. Now before you conservative readers go off, this is just Dean, not Howard Dean the tree-huggin', tax raisin', Clinton-votin', baby-killin', Jesus hatin', France-lovin liberal. Also when I write "just Dean" I know it can sound like "Justine" in the south. And his name is not Justine. That would make him gay or a lesbian or a cross dressing UVA fan. I shouldn't write about his cross dressing, because I can't confirm it and if I say anything more about his choice in alternative clothing, well, it could start rumors.

So Dean (not Howard, or Justine) will have to learn how to hide. He should ask my dad how. He is a pro. Which reminds me that the baby will be a boy. I know this because I have seen his penis on a sonogram and it glowed. My sister was showing us his man-hood profile and was very proud (as she should be) that people couldn't tell the difference between that and his leg. Dean was very quiet. "If it's that big, I can't be the father," is what it looked like he was thinking. Because he wasn't acting proud, he was acting concerned.

The baby will be named "Jake" after my dad. This means that he will smell funny, have bad manners and that his penis is sure to shrink. Their last name is East. So they were going to name the baby something like "North" or "West." Dean had suggested naming the boy Marla, but quikly backed off as if he revealed something he didn't mean to.

So good luck to all. I am sure that the hospital will get over the storm that is coming their way and that Dean will learn how to hide. He could always hide here in Atlanta. We don't care what you wear here.

Why I Don't Do Politics For A Living

2004-11-03T19:45:00.000-05:00

See "EduDude Out On A Limb."

No Wait Voting

2004-11-03T19:41:00.000-05:00

The wife and I went to vote yesterday and did not have to wait. As a matter of fact we were surrounded by poll workers with nothing much to do. "You should have been here this morning," a nice lady told me. "The line went clear out the door." As a matter of fact when we arrived at the polling station we thought we were at the wrong place because there were hardly any cars in the parking lot. So to those of you who had to wait. . . Nya Nya Nya!!!

Begala, Big Jim, Tucker and the Cripple

2004-11-03T19:32:00.000-05:00

There they were at 1:00am. Begala, Carville, Carlson and Novak. The Crossfire gang, worn out and clearly ready to go home. I am writing about this because it was a strange moment. When asked about the hopes of the democrats in the future Carville said that it was too late in the evening to spin, "so I'll just tell you the truth." What he said after that didn't matter. What did matter is the fact that the conversation that followed was devoid of any spin. No gloating, no whining, just four smart guys talking about politics and the election. I was amazed that they had it in them. It was also evident that they really are faking it on their show. If Crossfire wants to revive ratings they should review last nights tape. I would watch that show.

Bush Defeats Rather!

2004-11-03T19:29:00.000-05:00

First his father took it to 'ol Dan and now the son has delivered yet another blow to this anchor man's belief system. That's good enough for me. Dan tried his best to pretend to be a journalist while crusading for Kerry. It's time for Danno to retire.

Why You Should Not Support The Next President

2004-11-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

Over the last few days, centrists and the "can't we all just get along" crowd have begun the traditional blather about coming together after the election. I say don't do it. Why? Well the first reaction is that I must be a bad apple. Disgruntled, etc. But I am saying this before the election, not after. My reasoning is simple. If you believe in certain things you should not abdicate your personal philosophy just to appease the moment. Because, and trust me on this, that moment will pass. This election has struck many chords. Which is strange because not long ago we weren't sure that it would be able to find a single note. For those who are voting for what you belienve in, good for you. Some are voting because they have sort of picked a team and are involved only at that level. But if you are voting based on some core belief then you must hold on to that belief even after the election.

If Bush wins and you voted for Kerry, you must hope that the democrats in congress work day and night against passing laws that would insult your belief system. The same is true for Bush supporters if Kerry wins. I have made two points clear on this blog. The first is that I support Bush, the second is that I think Bush will lose. In the event of a Bush loss I will demand that the republicans in congress force Kerry to the middle just like they did Clinton. Clinton was a liberal who was stuck with a centrist presidency.

What you believe in is what leads you to choices in life. The sum total of all of those choices is who you are. I respect dedicated liberals even though I completely disagree with their political belief system. Kind of like the old cartoon with the sheep dog and the coyote. They clock in every day, beat each other up and clock out again.

This fight has been going on since the founding of this nation. It will continue long past tomorrow. Lines will shift. Who knows, some day the south might be a democratic stronghold again while New York votes straight republican. The point is that if you are involved in politics at any level, the battle for the soul of America will never end. So good luck and have fun!

Edudude Out On A Limb

2004-10-30T16:13:00.000-05:00

The official Edudude prediction for this election is as follows:

Kerry 272 electoral votes

Bush 266 electoral votes

All the lawyers will be sent home early. Even though the electoral college vote will be close, unless the candidates want to nitpick, there will be no need for lawsuits. The big battle will come down to this. Kerry will take Ohio and PA, but it will take Hawaii to put him over the top. Of course, if Bush wins Hawaii, everything can change. This prediction assumes that Bush will win Florida. My reasoning is that I know people in the panhandle who didn't vote in 2000 because Florida was announced as Gore's before the polls closed there. If the panhandle republicans, and there are lots of them, show up this time it could make the difference. Kerry will win MN, WI and MI. Bush will take Iowa. Kerry will win Ohio by 2% of the vote.

While other states will be close, it could very well be that Hawaii decides the next president.

Congress will be 53 republicans, 46 democrats and 1 independent.

President Kerry will face gridlock because congress knows that he does not have a mandate to do anything. Even the electorate will be ambivalent towards him. Forty eight percent of the vote wil be for Bush. Combine this with the fact that 49% of the Kerry vote is more against Bush than in support of Kerry, the democratic president will have little support even amoung dems. In 2006, the democrats will lose even more seats in congress. Look for a challenge to the Kerry presidency in 2008 from the inside.

Do you have a prediction?

US Enemies Come Together For Common Cause

2004-10-30T13:36:00.000-05:00

It is interesting to watch the world redefine alliances. Alliances have always been determined by common interests or enemies. Sometimes allainces become rather strange. For example, the extremists muslims, the UN, democrats, and Europe all see US power as a danger to the world. Not because it is, but because US military and economic strength prevent each group from accomplishing its individual goal. Muslim fanatics hate the US because of its culture and influence over previously "pure" parts of the world. The US promotes equal rights for women, free speech and other individual rights that fly in the face of the extremists' interpretation of the Koran. The UN, Europe and democrats all want socialism to become the norm world-wide. Capitalist successes, individualism and conservative values fly in the face of the socialist dream. The US represents these things as well. So all of the anti-US forces are now in an incontrovertable alliance of necessity. Each group in its own way is trying to influence the election. Europe through rantings and its press, the UN through leaks of documents to make the current US administration look bad, terrorists through intimidation and democrats through a different kind of fear mongering. All want the US to change presidents, but only one has a legitimate right to the process.
The most troubling of all is that all of these entities see Americanism, or individualism as a bad thing. Entrepeneurship, the strength of the individual, and self-reliance are good things. This is what makes America great. We have always been chastised for what we are. Now though chastisement is no longer seen as enough. Fortunately, the American spirit is alive and well. After all is said and done, and no matter who wins the election, it will be stronger because it is being challenged. And none of the groups aligned against that spirit can stop it.

Osama Plays The Middle

2004-10-29T17:10:00.000-05:00

Osama has reared his ugly head again. This time with a twist. By poo-pooing both Bush and Kerry while attempting to intimidate the American people, Bin Laden is going for the win-win scenario. No matter who wins, he can attempt to take credit. If Bush wins, Osama can say that Bush is his choice to fight, that Americans, by electing Bush, are sealing their own fate. If Kerry wins, Osama can say that the Americans cowered and caved in to the terrorist's demands.
In other words, Osama is playing a public relations game: Get publicity and then take credit for whatever happens. It's actually pretty smart. It will not wash in the US, but martyr wannabees will eat it up. Of course, I know this because I know everything. And you know it's true because you have now seen it on the web.

Kerry, Babes, Speedos and Politics

2004-10-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

Tonight I realized how blessed I am. I have a drop dead beautiful wife, a decent job, a new house, a great extended family and-----I live in a state that no candidate cares about. Just imagine, if you live in a state with a tight senate race, or a battleground state like Ohio, your life sort of, well, sucks right now. YOU have a responsibility. YOUR vote may decide the fate of the nation. YOUR vote will determine the future of the free world. Meanwhile, MY vote is for stats.

Further, I get to watch all the TV I want without watching cheesey political ads. Political ads are no good because they don't have big breasted women wearing thongs waving seductively at some schmuck who just bought whatever is being advertised. This is supposed to be the nasty election. So where are the nasty scantily clad women?

Picture this: John Kerry is wearing his spiffy speedo gear while standing by his surf board. He is surrounded by half naked babes oohing phrases like, "Kerry is such a man. I would love to know a guy who would vote for him...ooh!" Now that is a commercial. It would show two things. First, that if you vote for Kerry you might meet up with one of these girls and say, with all the swagger you could muster, "Hey there lovely lady. I voted for Kerry. Buy you a drink?" And, of course, she would say yes. The second important point is that Kerry would be shown to have much better taste in women than Bill Clinton. That is, if you can ignore Teresa.
But anyway, I'm not missing anything. We don't get those tacky political ads much around these parts and that makes me happy.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

2004-10-27T18:13:00.000-05:00

Around all of the blather concerning the explosives missing from the depot in Iraq one may sense a strategery from the Bush people. First, what do we sort of know so far-

1 - 387 tons of big time explosives are missing.

2 - they were last seen by IAEA inspectors about a month before the war.

3 - they were noted missing about one month after the fall of Bagdad.

4 - it would be almost impossible for the required 100 men and 40 ten ton trucks two remove the material after the arrival of US troops.

5 - the Army is reviewing satalite images from before the war and after the last IAEA inspection that show heavy truck activity in the area.

6 - it is more plausible that Saddam moved the material before the war than after we got there. After all this was his MO. He liked to hide munitions in schools and hospitals as well as mosques.

So why is Kerry on this so hard? Kerry is not trying to convince new voters, he is preaching to his base. This, I believe, is part of the get out the vote portion of the Kerry campaign. He will stick with the story even as it falls flat because that's what challengers do late in a race. Besides, his base really doesn't care if he is factually accurate as long as he beats Bush. For them, Kerry will do until Hillary challenges him in '08.

So why is Bush being relatively mute? Either something did go wrong, or this is the sucker play of the campaign. If Bush knows that Kerry is out to lunch on this and has the evidence to prove it, he can bide his time and reveal it at his choosing. Hoping that Kerry will get too far out on that branch to back up is the plan.

OR Bush is holding on to something better. A dishonorable discharge charge?? Who knows, but the October surprise from either side hasn't been revealed yet. Stay tuned . . .

Terrorists Go On Break, Let CBS and NYT Stand In

2004-10-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

It may be too early for post-election event predicting, but that won't stop me from doing it. This prediction is that, if Bush wins, the anti-Bush forces (media, UN, Europe) will be revealed to have over played their hands. The media is now making no bones about their preference for president. I'm not talking about the editorial pages, I'm talking about the news pages. The NYT ran their story about the missing explosives with full knowledge that they were misleading the readers. Exculpatory facts were buried in the story or simply (oops) left out. Add to this the revelation that CBS was going to run the story on election eve as an "October Surprise." Remember CBS? Rathergate? Forged documents? Yep, the same gang almost did it again. While the truth has yet to be sorted out, it is now possible tha the story is at least, in part, not true, and old, and previously reported.

But, who tipped the story? A member of the UN's IAEA. Meanwhile, the meddling of the US election is not just limited to the UN. The Guardian, a leftist English rag, attempted to involve its readers in our election by having them write letters to voters in Ohio.

It will be interesting to see how a second Bush administration will react to these forces. And all along we've been worried that the terrorist would attempt to influence the election. As it turns out, the UN, the NY Times, CBS and Europe are giving the terrorists a break. Why expel energy on this election when so many others are intruding for you?

If Kerry wins, these groups will only be emboldened. But remember, payback is hell. The UN needs congress and the congress looks like it will be Republican. Also 48-50% of the American public will come to realize what these guys were up to. All about the same time that attention turns to the oil for food scandals.

Yeah, payback will be hell.

Wiccans, Jesus, and the Klan

2004-10-24T18:23:00.000-05:00

Here is an example of your tax dollars at work. Apparently this school district in Washington has decided that kids dressing like witches for a Halloween party are disrespecting a religion. The Christian religion, you ask? Oh no, if the Christian religion was being disrespected that would be OK. The religion in question is the Wiccan religion. Yep, witches. We wouldn't want to hurt a witch's feelings now would we? And besides some kids can't afford costumes and they might feel bad about that. It seems that when I was a kid that we always went trick-or-treating as bums or ghosts. For a bum, just wear what you always wear and say, "I'm a bum." Ghosts require sheets. However in Washington, you might be mistaken for a member of the KKK. Man, that would be trouble. Imagine the punishment for disrespecting the Klan.
So I sit here in amazement at the sheer stupidity of some school administrators. They get paid for this! I'm thinking about going into administration in my district because you really cannot ever get fired. Make stupid decisions and not suffer the consequences? Yeah boy, I can do that!

Fire Up The Jet, Lovey, We're Off To Hawaii

2004-10-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

John Kerry and George Bush tied in Hawaii? What a hassle for the campaigns. Imagine being forced to go to Hawaii. And you know the press pool would hate it. I can hear the complaining from all sides. First go to Florida, then Hawaii, then back to Florida. Running for president really is a tough job.

Teresa, you ignorant slut . . .

2004-10-20T18:02:00.000-05:00

John Kerry must have had a time trying to convince his arrogant wife to apologize for demeaning the First Lady of the United States.

Even though the US population does not vote for a candidate because of their spouse, today's revelation about the potential First Lady's attitudes towards Laura Bush must give even the most ardent Kerry supporters pause. Four years of Teresa eruptions, while entertaining, will only cause trouble and distractions for a Kerry presidency. If Kerry is worried that his European buddies think that Americans are arrogant and mean spirited he will have to find away to deal with the fact that he is married to the poster child for condescension.

His wife already provides great fodder for those of us who are the "little people." Mrs. Kerry's plantation attitude towards the rest of us makes me want to write checks I can't afford to the Republican Party.

Even though she apologized (through a prepared statement obviously written by a staffer) her off the cuff remark is a window into the soul of the rich that the left hates so much. And so goes this years race. The task of the Kerry people is to find away to shut her up or keep her on message. Who knows what the next ad lib will bring?

Viagra And The Presidential Race

2004-10-18T18:32:00.000-05:00

Does it really matter who wins? With a split electorate, no mandate and a divided congress, all the Viagra in the world will not cure the next president’s impotence. Each candidate is promising different things to the American public. However, both candidates need to keep in mind that congress will prevent some legislation and water down the rest until it is absolutely ineffective. This means that, for those who like the government to stay out of their lives, the next for years will render the executive and legislative branches inert. A Kerry win will reveal pay back time for judicial nominations. A Bush win will guarantee four more years of judicial malfeasance from congress. The best thing for now is that Hillary will have to wait four years (eight if Kerry wins) to make her presidential run and that is good for Americans everywhere.

Meanwhile out in the nether reaches of America, Florida is proving that they want to remain a national electoral joke. Also, in Defiance County Ohio, crack cocaine is being exchange for voter registration. Republican offices have been ransacked and some Democrats are outraged that dead people and felons will be denied the vote.

Democrats are furiously trying to scare three groups of people into voting their way. Blacks, young people and old people all have something to fear from the evil George Bush. Blacks will be denied the vote while old people will lose their social security and be thrown in the street. During this time the draft will be reinstated so we can invade Canada and stop all those cheap drugs from getting in the country. Worse yet, while plans for the Canadian invasion are almost complete, no one has yet to offer up a strategery for winning the peace. A Canadian quagmire, an influx of ill-behaved French speaking socialist refugees inundating our country, a picture too ugly to be imagined.

And it will only get worse. If Kerry is president, we will invade Canada, but only with UN permission and only to go get cheap drugs and leave. A Canadian civil war will surely follow, but the UN will have to solve that problem.

What a dumb debate. But at least it is a fun dumb debate. By the way, I earlier wrote that the candidates have given up on smart people and are now going after the dumb ones. The Kerry plan is to convince moronic non-victims that they soon will be victims under Bush. The Bush plan is to convince New Jersey that Kerry will allow them to be attacked. Both candidates are now only insulting those who know better. Better hold on to your Viagra. . .

The Politics of Texas Hold 'Em

2004-10-17T13:51:00.000-05:00

The national craze for Texas Hold 'Em and other gambling card games is now being played out in the national election. Bush campaigns in New Jersey! Pundits immediately jump into the fray as if watching the final round of a Texas Hold 'Em tournament.

"What do you think he is holding?"

"I think Bush is bluffing. He just wants Kerry to think he is holding the cards to win that state."

"If Kerry gets suckered in, he'll be spending time and money in a state he was going to win anyway."

The crowd oohs and aahs.

"Kerry just went to Kentucky! He's trying to draw Bush out of Jersey and Ohio."

"Bush will not pull out of Ohio and appears to be betting that Kerry is bluffing on an advantage in Kentucky."

And so it goes. The game show aspect of the campaign is appealing to some and a big turn off to others. But, either way, we will all tune in on Novembe 2nd and 3rd to see the grand finale. This will be one of the few times that more votes will be cast on something other than "American Idol."

We'll see who was bluffing and who was not. "Will there be a major gaff? Will there be voter fraud? Will we have another president who cannot get 50% of the vote?" The answer to all three is "YES." So tune in early and often. Like the olympics, you'll have to wait another four years for another chance to watch this show.

Thank God It's Over!

2004-10-14T00:49:00.000-05:00

The debates are done and I am happy to live in a state that is solidly red. This means that I don't have to endure endless ads like the poor folks in Ohio and the other battleground states. Yep, stick a fork in me, I am done! Now all I have to do is check polls and some sane blogs (the few that are left). Watching the talking heads will be enjoyable because I can turn them off whenever I want.

As for the debates. Who knows? I have no idea why people vote the way they do. All I know is that this election is more about ideaolgy than issues. People will have to toss their hats into either the conservative or liberal tent. How far into the tent the hat goes is up to them. The left still hates the "L" word. Kerry runs from it whenever it is brought up. The right seems more inclusive and will drift center no matter who wins. With Ahnold and Rudy out front and center the right has no choice. Also, a war tends to solidify the right and split the left.

If I am right that idealogy will drive votes, it will be interesting to see if there have been any significant changes in how some states traditionally vote. The northeast will go to Kerry. The south will go to Bush. The far west to Kerry. The near west to Bush. The rest is a best guess. Checking polling often may reveal a trend, but remember to use polling for entertainment purposes only.

So it will be boring unless someone screws up or some amazing piece of dirt is revealed about a candidate. Unless one of the two happens, my focus will drift elsewhere.

Maybe it will be revealed that Bush is a master speaker and that his mangling of the english language is an act. Maybe Kerry will lay hands on cripples and make them walk as Edwards predicted. (Wouldn't that make Edwards a prophet?)

Now that would be good stuff to write about.

"I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

2004-10-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

Today PhotoDude, who I refer to as "Master" (he calls me "Grasshopper"), encouraged me to put my marriage on the line and tell the story of the soupy ceiling. Very well. Master says I can use his couch.

Anyway, my wife - the Great Chef - cooks food. She does the cooking because, while I like fire, I'm not sure about its proper relationship with food. One thing I learned about food and fire is that fire can make the food very black and render to it a permanent bad taste. I have never liked cooking because I like to eat. Me doing my own cooking prevents me from eating. There may be a new diet in all this, but I digress.

So the Great Chef is cooking tomato soup. It's one of her favorites and she cooks it in a fine manner because she understands the proper relationship between food and fire. She does not, however, understand the relationship between things like heavy weight and paper plates. It is that misunderestimation that led to, what we call around here, the "Big Soup Bounce."

Now I am no scientist. Never did well in science. Didn't like science. Never want to take a science course again. However, I do know that liquid, when dropped, is supposed to "splash." The Great Chef has succeeded in suspending the rules of science because she made the soup bounce.
The soup bounced on top of the refrigerator, all of the counters, and the most athletic parts of the soup made it all the way to the ceiling. Believe me, this was very athletic soup.

So I'm not home for this. (Thanks be to God). But I understand that the cats were awed by the steam coming off the floor, the fridge, the counters, and yes, the ceiling. The Great Chef was also amazed to find that bounced soup gets pasty quickly and forms a substance that is only removed by battery acid.

If you are a husband you have the place you go to when you have to be home but she needs to be left alone. I was banished there that night. Finally I knew it was safe to go outside when she came to the office and announced, "I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

Tonight she applied fire to a pizza. It was very tasty.

Strategery Of The Campaigns Revealed

2004-10-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

It is obvious that the presidential campaign has now entered a new phase. The "BUTT UGLY" phase. This is the point where each candidate must accomplish two things. First, they must fire up the base. This means that misrepresentation of the other candidate is essential. The base loves it when their candidate gets in digs on the other guy. It makes them want to go vote. Even in the world of the blogger, sites who once prided themsleves on polite well reasoned discourse have subsituted intelligent sparring with sheer stupidity. To do this the natural human drive to think must be overcome by a need to express partisan views. These guys are like the natives about to sacrifice a human in an old black and white movie. They start out nice enough but then their behavior grows wilder and wilder until the deed is done. Blogs that I have enjoyed visiting have now reverted to this new standard. I guess I'll avoid them the way a woman must avoid a Vulcan with a seven year itch. Even the "Daily Show" is now really only funny to those on the left. His goal is no longer to entertain, but to get Kerry elected. Venues that were already partison have gotten worse.

But the political landscape isn't just the base. Nope, their is a another group out there. Hence, political goal number two. The second goal is to recruit morons who are over 18. These are the clowns whose IQ suggests that they like the red meat of the campaign. They think that what they are hearing is actually information. It's like a tourist watching alligators being fed rotten fish and saying, "Look at them gators scarf that stuff up. It must be some good eatin'. Hey man, where can I get some of that stuff?"

If you want to see the final episode of this reality TV show, tune in to the next presidential debate. If you want the next president to be chosen based on who wins the debate, remember that the winner is the one who is better at misrepresenting the other guy. That's what this phase is all about.

Fortunately the average American is pretty smart. We have to believe in that. They proved it with good questions in the last debate. And despite all of my complaining, I like the system. At least it' s interesting to watch.

By the way, if you are tourist who likes rotten fish, I apologize.

Monica Lewinski To Attend The Next Debate!

2004-10-08T22:25:00.000-05:00

President Bush decided to show up for the debate tonight. This was not expected and the Kerry camp was beginning to smell blood. Kerry was clearly caught off guard but rose to the moment.
But who won? Here are the categories and their winners. No, not topics - categories.

Bush wins these categories.

1. Funny, likeable guy category.

2. Take on the moderator category.

3. Mangle the english language category. (Oh man, he had some moments.)

4. Heartfelt moment category.

Kerry won in these areas.

1. Excuse me while I ignore your question and give a prepared answer to a question you didn't ask category.

2. Look down your nose category.

3. Drop as many names as in a small town phone book category.

4. Having a small Bush-moment category. (Kerry couldn't find the words "spinal injury" so he started listing spinal injuries until he could think of it.)

The category they tied in was, appropriately enough, the tie category. Don't these guys have more colors than blue and red? And shouldn't Bush wear red for red states and Kerry blue for blue states? For the next debate, I suggest that Monica Lewinski pick out a tie for each candidate which they must tie by themselves on national TV. Ratings would go through the roof.

If I missed any categories feel free to add them.

Dateline: March, 23 2005

2004-10-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

Dear foreign leader,

How are you? I am fine. I hope all is well in your little corner of the world. As you know, our former president got us into a little scrape in Iraq. Now do not get me wrong, I am glad we disarmed Saddam, but we need a little help. Could you send either troops or money to Iraq? I am a nice guy and, more importantly, I am not George Bush. Now my wife has plenty of money but she won't give Iraq any. She says it's the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't know where she gets that, but when she gets an idea she can be as stubborn as our former president.
So please remember that I am not George Bush and send some troops and/or money to Iraq. Cash is fine. Maybe we could have a summit or something. That would be nice.

Globally Yours,

John F. Kerry
President, United State of America

"I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

2004-10-06T19:44:00.000-05:00

This quote is from my wife. The story is too strange to tell.

A Little More Strategery - A Little Less Talk

2004-10-06T16:46:00.000-05:00

Bush found in the last debate that it is much easier to throw rocks than to catch them. Vice-President Cheney threw some pretty good rocks in his debate with John Edwards, however most of them were ones that Bush failed to hurl last week. Bush's first outting this year reveals what happens when a President fails to allow himself to be challenged on a regular basis. Perhaps his prep for the next debate will be more vigorous. Changing the topic in today's speech from health care to foreign policy was also smart by not giving Kerry ammunition for Friday. It's not as if Kerry needs more ammo. The democrats make a living out of trashing good and bad things alike. Trashing the economy and people who have the misfortune of looking as if they might make a decent living is what they do. And they do it well.

Another smart move on the Bush side was to put the debate on Friday night. Many people will not bother to tune in, not because they are bad Americans, but because IT'S FRIDAY! Instead of getting information from a variety of sources, those on the voting fringe will be making their decisions based on ads and sound bites.

These are the candidates' most favorite people in the world. The undecideds who have arrived at their indecision, not through exhaustive research, but through a failure to care until the last minute. These are the easily manipulated. One good zinger in a last minute ad and you've got their vote.

But I digress. This week Bush must look credible and positive. He must present a vision. He must also give long twisted lists of what he will do if he is re-elected. The longer the better. Kerry will do the same. If Bush is lucky, by thirty minutes into the debate two-thirds of the already tiny Friday night crowd will have bailed. He must be firm but boring. That will be the goal. Kerry will bring dull in buckets. It is up to Bush to contribute his fair share.

With baseball playoffs, college football, Mount St. Helens, pro football and decent weather, Bush may be able to avoid the fallout from this debate altogether. Bring on the ads!

How To Keep One of Kerry's Promises

2004-10-04T22:52:00.000-05:00

John Kerry has been full of promises lately. The one I will focus on here is his promise to get more countries involved with Iraq. Instead of taking the right tack, that is "he can't get that done," or the left tack, that is "I believe anything that man says because I hate Bush," I will take the center tack - - "what must be done to get more help from foreign sources?"

First, we must define "foreign sources." For John Kerry that would be France and Germany, or "really old Europe." Now that is done we can look at this from the only available perspective, that of France and Germany. You see, there is a reason that these guys are mad at us. That reason can be summed up by jobs, market share, trade, and the value of the euro. Included in this is the fact that these were, at one time, great countries. Not so much now. So combine economics and national pride and you get what we face now. This brings us to the first big question, "what does France and Germany want in exchange for their help?"

The answer is simple - economic power and prestige. That means that in order to get their help we must give up some of one or both of those things. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else will do. This is not about hugs and kisses and warm cuddly feel good words and platitudes. This is about money, power, and pride.

They will want us to sign treaties for everything from global warming to trade. From International Criminal Court to Israel. We will have to give in to these kind of demands in order to be blessed with aid from the mighty French Military Complex.

But why these agreements and treaties? Simple. If we sign a treaty on global warming like Kyoto, we will agree that we are the major polluter of the planet and will therefore have to clean up our emissions. No one else will need to do near as much. Our companies will have to spend millions to get this done which will cause their prices to go up and make the US less competitive. This is not an environmental treaty, in reality it's a "let's stick it to US business treaty." If we sign a treaty on the International Criminal Court it will be to erase some of our rights to tend to our own affairs. The ICC is only supposed to go after countries that refuse to prosecute their own, but who gets to determine that? This would be a "stick it to US soveriegnty treaty." In every treaty and agreement look at what we give up and what we get and you'll get the picture.

Now Kerry is not a stupid man. He knows this. He is also not dumb enough to admit it. When Bush stated in the debate that he knows how the world works I could hear the collective sigh from all those who like to comfort themselves in the myth that he is an intellectual light weight. But let's take Bush at his word. Is it even possible that his people figured out what Kerry knows? Is it possible that Bush is not willing to trade soveriegnty in order to get that love of old Europe?
Now back to Kerry. The final question that must be considered is this, "How much of the soveriegnty of the United States are you willing to trade for the help of these two countries?"
If you don't mind giving that up - vote for Kerry. If you don't like the idea of giving it away - vote for Bush.

EduDude Gettin' Spiffy!!

2004-10-03T18:56:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. Now those of you who wish to leave comments may do so without having to register. Enjoy!

John Kerry Arrested!

2004-10-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

Dateline: August 8, 2005.

President Kerry was arrested today only two days after signing an agreement that places the United States under the jurisdiction of the World Court. Kerry is accused of committing atrocities in Vietnam. One Belgium official stated that, "Kerry admitted to committing acts to a United States Senate committee, we just want to know what they are. Of course, he'll get a fair trial."
Kerry complained bitterly about the arrest, "I hate orange! I didn't like it on my face and I sure hate wearing this stupid orange jumpsuit they gave me." When asked about the possibility of spending time in prison, Kerry responded, "Hey, if it will get France to like America, it's worth it."
Developing. . .

Future Debates Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest

2004-09-30T21:56:00.000-05:00

The remaining two presidential debates were canned only ten minutes after the completion of the first debate tonight. "This was just God-awful television," stated Snodly Nosedorf, president of the Debate Channel. "I mean, these guys weren't even trying. I told the guys to mix it up for better ratings. And whoever did the audience warm-up will never work in TV again."
Meanwhile, hundreds of viewers were taken to hospitals complaining of coma symptoms. "This is the worst TV coma incident I've ever witnessed," said Dr. Huey "Burrito" Johnson of the Northside Hospital in Alpharetta, Georgia. "The Brady Bunch Reunion was bad, but this is way worse."
Also, the major networks issued apologies for not cutting away. According to one TV exec, "We couldn't find the movie 'Heidi'.' We looked everywhere. People were just yelling, 'get the damn movie, find it quick!' We were just too late."
Debates for other races are now in doubt. The networks are afraid that audiences having such a bad experience with this debate may simply tune out senate and local race debates as well.
Developing. . .

Bush Rejects Debate Prep, Vows To Rebuild Florida Instead

2004-09-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

President Bush decided to blow off debate preparation this week. Instead the President will stay in Florida clearing debris and "basically hang out with the folks and maybe score some free bar-b-q." When reporters pressed Mr. Bush about the wisdom of not getting ready for the debate this week with Kerry, Bush replied, "Hey man, when have I ever studied? I mean, I wouldn't know where to begin. You know, all those notes and stuff. What a drag."

Candidates Prepare For The Big Day

2004-09-27T20:25:00.000-05:00

Presidential candidate John Kerry practiced for his debate with President Bush today. "I don't see how this will really help, but it sure is fun," Kerry remarked. Shortly after this photo-op, Kerry was hustled inside. Reporters overheard advisers telling Kerry that was not what they meant when they said to practice keeping his eye on the ball. Spinner Johnson of the Kerry camp stated in a later interview, "clearly we have a long way to go."

Kerry Presents His Terror Plan. . .um, it's what we're already doing.

2004-09-24T17:13:00.000-05:00

Today, Kerry laid out his plan to combat terrorism. His main points are listed with comments from yours truly. These points were extracted from the USA Today website.

Double the U.S. Army's special forces capacity and speed implementation of new anti-terror technologies.

This is already being done.

Create a national intelligence director's post that included full control over intelligence funding and double the number of overseas clandestine officers.

This is already being done.

"Make Afghanistan a priority again, because it's still the front line of the war on terror."

The fight in Afghanistan continues. Operations on the ground, while low key, are continuing.

Improve global security of chemical and nuclear weapons, particularly those in the former Soviet Union. He promised to secure all weapons there within four years.

Kerry is going to secure Putin’s weapons in four years? Has he asked Putin about that?

Seek a "verifiable" global ban on the production of materials needed to make nuclear weapons and talk directly to North Korea about its nuclear weapons program. "We have to get serious about diplomacy with North Korea, now," he said.

We are serious about diplomacy with North Korea. The countries in that region are better able to pressure North Korea because the North doesn’t see them as a threat. If we engage North Korea in direct talks, we risk extortion. Actually, that’s what they are attempting now.

"Wage a war on terrorist finances," including freezing assets of anyone or any organization "who is financing terrorism."

That’s already being done.

Hold Saudi Arabia "accountable" for terrorist group development there, and work to make the U.S. independent of Mideast oil.

What would that accountability look like? How would that be different than what is already going on?

Improve security in U.S. ports.

That’s already being done.

Deny sanctuary and recuiting opportunities for terrorists.

That’s already being done.

Strengthen and in some cases rebuild alliances with other countries. "If ever the United States of America needed to reach out instead of alienating countries, it is now," he said. Kerry said such action was "not a sign of weakness — it is a sign of strength, and it will make us stronger."

If we alienate countries like France by taking away the opportunity for illegal financial gain (Iraq), then so be it. They still are allies in the fight on terror and there is no evidence that I have seen to show otherwise.

Once again, Kerry has decided to jump into the water to fight the sharks. Rather than running on his strengths, his advisors have convinced him to run on his weaknesses. Will it work? Feel free to comment.

Private School - The Choice of Public School Teachers

2004-09-23T22:18:00.000-05:00

An interesting Washington Times article, forwarded to me by PhotoDude, analyzes the phenomenon of public school teachers sending their own kids to private schools. As a teacher, I am not at all surprised by this trend. The report states that, "Teachers, it is reasonable to assume, care about education, are reasonably expert about it and possess quite a lot of information about the schools in which they teach. We can assume that no one knows the condition and quality of public schools better than teachers who work in them every day. They know from personal experience that many of their colleagues make such a choice [for private vs. public schools], and do so for good and sufficient reasons." This is an accurate portrayal of the current perspective of many public school teachers. This goes under the heading “I work at that restaurant and, trust me, you don’t want to eat there.” But why is this the case? There are lots of reasons, but this article will be limited to one area: Stupid Decision Makers and Their Stupid Decisions.

Even though teachers are the ones in the trenches on a daily basis, their opinions about policy, management, curriculum, and school environment are never seriously asked for or listened to. Woe be unto the teacher that steps out of line with a thoughtful critique of any the aforementioned areas. The more control of public education that is usurped by federal entities, the worse the situations in public schools becomes.

See if you can follow the decision making process at the state level. First, some big time politician decides that, in order to give the impression that education is important to him, some new education policy must be created. So he gets some yahoo that hasn’t been in a classroom in 20 years to come up with some absurd plan to increase test scores in reading. He endorses the plan without worrying about whether or not it will work. By the time the plan has failed (and they always do) he will have moved on to greener pastures and the yahoo who devised the scheme will have moved on to another state to implement the plan on another unsuspecting electorate. Now, a whole new yahoo will be changing the school system to yet another new plan and the cycle continues. Meanwhile, the teachers have to implement a plan that was never seriously intended to work anyway.

The second part of the decision-making happens at the near-local level. It is basically the same as the state/national system previously described. It goes like this. A superintendent wants to get publicity so he can go get a higher paying job in another district. By the way, I am not making this stuff up. So he gets a yahoo from the central office to come up with a pinheaded plan to increase reading scores for the district. Of course the plan will not work. But here is the best part. If the school board hates the plan, they fire the super. The unemployed super gets the remainder of his contract paid and immediately gets another job. So he makes money on the failure. If the plan works, that is if he can show some obscure statistic that seems to support his claim of success, he gets hired by another larger school system and gets a pay raise. Meanwhile, the teachers have to implement a plan that was never seriously intended to work anyway.

The third part of the screwed up system is at the most local level. All of the yahoos described above were at one time the principal of a school. As a principal, they wanted to “move up” into higher administration. In order to move up you get must get noticed. And to get noticed you must create and implement interesting and enlightening plans to increase, say, reading scores. You can guess the rest. Meanwhile, the teachers have to implement another plan that was never seriously intended to work anyway.

Private schools are, for the most part, immune from the kind of politics public schools endure. Teachers, while not generally paid as well, do not have to put up with this kind of stupid decision-making process. Private school teachers have more control and input in discipline, management, policy, and environment. This means that their students will not waste time and effort trying to make someone else look good. And that is a good thing. Public school teachers know it, and that is why so many of their kids go to private school.

Hurrican Kerry: Too Eratic To Predict??

2004-09-22T16:25:00.000-05:00

John Kerry staked out yet another new position on Iraq this week. Read about it here. Kerry hopes that this position, unlike his previous positions, will have traction with voters. Pundits try to explain Kerry’s latest stance on Iraq take one of three perspective.

The first is represented by comments left over at the Centrist. Some readers, as reflected in their comments about Kerry’s new position, think Kerry is being responsible.

The second is that of the Republicans. The right, with all previous 17 positions in hand, call this the Mother of All Flip Flops. This will be difficult for Kerry to defend against.

Then there is my position. That is, this is just the latest in what will be a never ending whine about Bush and Iraq. Kerry’s people have determined that the middle is too small to fight over and that his campaign needs to pump up the base. His base doesn’t care if Kerry changes his mind on a daily basis. They just want red meat. Give it to Bush and give it good. So Kerry is told that his base loves Howard Dean and that if he could just be Dean without the primal scream he may have a chance. So the rant has just begun. Kerry has learned that he must pillory Bush on a daily basis. The gamble is that if the public doesn’t buy what he has selling, he has lost. Responsible? No way. Flip Flop? Not really. The sum total of Kerry’s comments on the war are such that it is clear that he really has no position at all. By the way, don’t buy into the so-called “troop pull out” time lines. Those are trial balloons to see if they get a positive response. (“They”, being both Kerry and Bush). Remember, this 2004 election is about winning, not ideas. Kerry just figured that out.

The DNC Crystal Ball - Politics Is Gettin' Spooky

2004-09-18T22:21:00.000-05:00

John Edwards, demonstrating the DNC crystal ball, describes how he and Kerry came to know about President Bush's intention to call up more reserves after the November election.

In an EduDude exclusive, Vice-Presidential candidate John Edwards revealed the new tool in the Kerry campaign. Edwards claimed that DNC Crystal Ball is just the latest weapon to appear on the political landscape. Later, alert Bloggers noted that the crystal ball was actually a yard globe stolen from a North Carolina garden. The Kerry campaign denied all the charges at first and later admitted that the object might indeed be a yard globe. "It's not important that it's a yard globe, what's important is what the yard globe told me," said Kerry during a campaign stop in Grundy, Va. "And I want Mr. Bush to answer the charges made by the crystal globe, um ball."

Some experts are not suprised by this latest political turn of events. Dr. Eddie Porsucker, former political advisor to the Dewey for President campaign, stated in an exclusive interview, "Hell, they're all makin' crap up! You're even makin' up this interview. Hell, boy, I don't even exist!" Developing. . .

Larry, Curly and MOE

2004-09-17T13:27:00.000-05:00

The polls are flying fast now. Bloggers are rushing to analyze what they mean. But as you analyze, beware the margin of error (MOE). The margin of error is the “oops” factor of research and reflects the depth, or lack of it, in the quality of methodology. Some MOE’s are acceptable and some are not. In educational research the MOE is usually .05 percent or less. That is if the researcher wants to be taken seriously. In medical research the MOE is must be much lower, perhaps .001%. So lets look at the current polling. Today the Pew and Gallop Polls reported completely different results for the national race. How can this be explained? Well, the MOE for both polls was plus or minus 4%. That is a potential eight point swing. What good is that? There is no information there. Can you imagine using the same MOE for medical research? Break out the body bags!

Of course, smaller MOE's would require more money, a bigger sample and more time. In other words a smaller margin of error would require higher standards of research. So give me a poll with a MOE of perhaps plus or minus 2%. Then I’ll pay attention. Until then it is not news, it’s just “for entertainment purposes only.”

Paralysis Through Analysis

2004-09-17T10:30:00.000-05:00

This post is longer than normal, please hang on.

Paralysis through analysis is the inability to make a decision because all evidnce begins to be seen as equal. The more analysis, the harder it is to prioritize information, frustration sets in and, there you have it, paralysis. As a teacher I see this all the time. Sometimes less is more. So here we go.

I have been reading on the web and in the papers about the angst of the undecided voter in this year’s presidential election. So I have decided to throw in my two cents to see if I can help to muddy the water just a little bit more. This election is not about Bush vs. Kerry. This is about Bush, the events that have presented themselves during his presidency, his reaction to those events, and his leadership traits during a time of growing world tension. If the president, after careful reflection, has decent marks in these areas he deserves another four years. Because the next four years are probably going to look a lot like the past four regardless of who is president.

Sometimes it is difficult to see a crisis for what it is. The duration is always a best guess. History tells us that rebuilding countries after WWII was not easy and took many years. The situation in Iraq could still go either way, but my money is on the Iraqi people. The ones we don’t see in the news. The ones who are struggling and dying even now for their country. The Iraqis who are being trained to do the police work, the Iraqis who get up every day and go to work, shop and live the kind of life that our liberation of their country has brought them. This president understands that if the Iraqis have ownership in their country more good things will happen than bad.

The next president must guide us from where we are to where we, as a nation, want to be. He must be able to handle a crisis on the level of 9/11. The rest of the world must see him as a leader who, while may be made fun of as a “cowboy,” is someone not to be trifled with. It’s not that France et. al. do not like Bush. They do not like America. Her strength and vibrant economy, her refusal to give in to silly demands and expectations drives the European community nuts. Why? Because it’s about power. When the Soviet Union was threatening European tranquility the power of the United States was grudgingly accepted to provide balance. Now that Europe doesn’t need our power they no longer want to tolerate it. Bush is right not to give our standing away. He represents the American people and their interests.

I am not happy with the economy, but would it be any better with a different president or is this just the way things are right now? There is a deficit. There is also a serious threat of terrorism that is forcing us to spend money in ways that we had never imagined. There are countries attempting to get nuclear weapons. Putin is attempting to revive an old style Soviet era government. There can only be a peace dividend when there is peace.

How would Kerry handle all of this? Honestly, I have no clue. And I am tired of trying to figure it out.

Would Bush be a great president in any other time? I have no idea. Is he the kind of leader we need during these times? I think so. If you disagree, go look at Kerry or Nader. The “paralysis through analysis” days will be behind you.

Do What What With The What What??

2004-09-15T20:36:00.000-05:00

Being new at this blogging thing, I have occasionally run into trouble with understanding how to make things do what they do. Of course being a successful blogger requires a certain amount of logic, skill, and intelligence. So that you may appreciate my faults in all these areas let me just say that my VCR (yes, I still have one) is still not only blinking 12:00 - it always has. Needless to say I have sought out the help of PhotoDude in all things bloglike.
Recently, the Photoguy explained via email how to make a link. Note that I said he explained, not that I understood. I got some of the explanation, like at the end I am supposed to press Enter. Once the pressing of Enter is completed, a wonderful technical thing is supposed to happen. At least I think that's right. I did manage to make things happen on the screen. What those things were I am at a loss to describe. My wife is desperate, for some reason, to do "a back up." That can't be good. Soooo, since attempting to reproduce his recipe, and failing numerous times, I have come to the conclusion that personal attention may be required. Which brings me to the next subject.
Last weekend the wife and I bought a gas grill. Of course it had to be assembled and, just in case I couldn't complete the assembly in English, the instructions were written in other languages as well. One of those languages looked very similar to what most bloggers use to communicate with each other. Anyway, I assembled the grill in less than four days with only six parts left over. Not bad for a guy whose VCR has always blinked 12:00.
I cooked much dead meat and no one got sick. Perhaps then, the PhotoMeister
Hisself might be able to be bribed. A lesson in the language of Bloggerdom in
exchange for a giant portion of cooked dead meat. If any one sees the PhotoDude, let him know. Meanwhile, I'll shine the Dude Signal on the clouds.

Don't Misunderestimate the Importance of Strategery

2004-09-13T18:41:00.000-05:00

The campaign season slogs along, looking for anything to whet its appetite. Since substance is boring, we are getting a dump truck load of Kitty Kelley, CBS Memogate, Swift Boat Guys, and a very loud Al Gore. Each campaign knew this would come in some form, yet one of the two campaigns doesn’t seem to know just what to do. Even when the news (can I call it that, really?) seems to be on their side they cannot seem to resist involving themselves in the story and mucking it up. While none of this will make much of a difference in a national campaign, all of it in its totality of information, misinformation and the response to the two does begin to congeal as an image. One of the images each candidate wants to project is that of "presidential." But the individual candidate does not project that image in a void. He is the totality of himself, who he surrounds himself with, what he attaches himself to and, just as important, how he reacts to whatever attaches itself to him.

I’ve said before that the Kerry camp seems to be clumsy at the least and absolutely inept at the worst. Simple rules are being broken. For example, don’t ever, under any circumstances, answer hypothetical questions. Kerry blundered into one when he affirmed that knowing what we know now he would have gone into Iraq. Another truism- don’t ever be your own attack dog, let others do it for you and keep yourself and your campaign out of the fray, has been tossed aside. The DNC is going after Bush’s guard duty, or lack of it, spending precious time and money on a sure loser. To make matters worse, CBS News looks now as a debunked Kerry surrogate on that issue causing thinking people to absolutely ignore whatever the DNC attempts to do with it.

The rules are easy, it’s the discipline to follow them that is hard. Kerry and his people could use a good dose of discipline right now. If Kerry wins in November, it will not be because of this latest round of slung mud, it will be in spite of it.

A Pixel Is Worth A Thousand Words

2004-09-12T18:39:00.000-05:00

This is the imagery that is driving the Kerry people nuts. Kerry is hitting back harder and Edwards is finding his role as the attacker. Will it work?

Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo!!

2004-09-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

After weeks of threats and frustration, the Kerry campaign has called an official “Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo” on the Bush people. This comes after Vice-President Dick Cheney’s remarks that Kerry “makes doody in his pants.” Kerry’s anxieties about his claim that Bush “eats boogers and makes wee-wee on the floor” failed to get any traction, even with the addition of two “so’s your mother” comments in early September, led to this latest outburst.
Meahnwhile, in Ohio, complaints about who gets the most ice-cream in their bowl continues to fester.“This is awful early for a candidate to call an official Nanny-Nanny Poo-Poo,” stated Finnegin McGee, a political expert and author of The Art of Nanny-Poo in Modern American Discourse. “Usually we don’t see any Nanny-Poos until at least mid-October. One this early underlines the division of the country and the frustration of the campaigns.”
Also, the head of the DNC upon hearing that yet another hurricane was heading to Florida was heard to say, “That’s not fair! How come Bush gets three hurricanes and we don’t get any?” When it was explained that life is not always fair the DNC leader fell to the floor into a tantrum until he fell asleep. The Bush campaign hit back with in a statement that read in part, “Nya Nya we get three hurricanes and you don’t get any!” Developing . . . .

The Strategery of Going Negative

2004-09-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

The rule of going negative is: Do it right! Whether or not the Bush camp had anything to do with the Swifties must always be a matter of conjecture because Bush denounced the ads and praised Kerry’s war record. That’s called “plausible deniability.”
The Kerry campaign’s endorsement of the questioning of Bush’s National Guard service will produce at least four results.

1) Kerry looks out of touch attempting to bring up an issue that was detailed ad nauseam in 2000.

2) By bringing up the issue himself in the spring of this year, Kerry leaves himself looking petty while Bush takes the high road concerning Kerry’s service.

3) The headlines, which have been full of everything except positive Kerry stories, are now consumed with this new story, with the latest hurricane to follow. Two more weeks gone and Kerry keeps stepping on his own message.

4) If the CBS news documents are forgeries, and from what I’ve read I suspect they are, the Kerry surrogates’ eagerness to embrace them will leave a stain on Kerry - which wouldn’t be possible if he had kept his mouth shut.

All of this leads me to one of two conclusions. The most likely is the Kerry camp is in total disarray about how to proceed with the campaign. They are not where they thought they would be and are behind in states they thought would have been put away by now. The second possibility, and least likely I think, is that the top guns on his staff don’t see him winning unless they start throwing Hail Marys into the end zone. Either way, this is hardly the way a professional campaign behaves. It’s not the negativism, it’s the haphazard dispersal of it. By the way, are there any issues in this campaign?

Video Reveals the Enemy

2004-09-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

The video of terrorists rigging explosives in and around children in a Russian school underscores the pure evil of fanatical Islam. No one is too innocent nor deed too dirty for these demons from hell. Hate is their reason, hate is their motivation and hate is what they want the rest of us to see. They want the world to know in no uncertain terms that if they had a nuclear weapon they would use it. They would fight to get in line to be the one to strap it on their backs and the losers of that contest would rejoice in the subsequent slaughter. This is the new reality. It is consistent and persistent. This is not a nut case and his buddy blowing up a building in Oklahoma. Nor is it the occasional lone gunman shooting up an office. This is the new fascism. These guys want to pick up in fear generation where the Nazis left off. Either join them or die.

So we have two choices. We can win or we can lose. Personally I choose win. I don’t know or pretend to know how that will happen. I choose win because the other choice is unacceptable. There will be no negotiation. This will be a battle to the finish. Even though the scale of death is not comparable to 9/11, the Russians now know what we have known. And that is, simply put; there is no getting out of this fight. So we can either bring it to them or wait for them to bring it to us. I prefer the former because the latter is going to happen anyway. If the civilized world wants an important cause to unite us all, this is it.

The people of every country on earth will have to decide how to react. Spain is attempting appeasement. France and Germany got in line behind Spain. Good luck to all of them. They are going to need it. We have to decide the same issues here in the United States. If we can get past the mid-70’s we might be able to discuss it.

Education Not In The Mix

2004-09-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

Both campaigns are posturing for an angle, each looking at how best to get and maintain support. But note the lack of discussion about education. Other than job retraining, not much is being said. Each side is staking out positions on terror and the economy hoping that the undecideds will come over to their turf. Meanwhile test scores and funding issues take a back seat. Both candidates understand that momma wants the kids safe first and educated second. With broader topics looming, education just may have to sit this election out.

This is good for Bush, bad for Kerry. Democrats traditionally "own" domestic issues. The fact that some traditional domestic debates are not making it to the surface of campaign rhetoric underscores Kerry's need to hone his message. The fact that both candidates are barely giving lip service to a once hotly debated topic shows that, for now, the Bush campaign is controlling the agenda.

Newsweek Poll has Bush Leading Kerry by 11

2004-09-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

The latest Newsweek Poll has Bush leading Kerry by 54 to 43. But it's the internals of the poll that shed some light on the situation.

"In comparing the two presidential candidates, more registered voters think President Bush has strong leadership qualities than Kerry (65% vs. 47%), is more honest and ethical (62% vs. 47%), says what he believes and not just what people want to hear (66% vs. 42%), would trust him to make the right decisions during an international crisis (57% vs. 44%), shares their values (54% vs.42%), and is personally likeable (67% vs. 59%). In addition, more registered voters think President Bush would do a better job than Sen. Kerry on various issues: terrorism and homeland security (60% vs. 32%), the situation in Iraq(55% vs. 37%), foreign policy (54% vs. 38%), taxes (52% vs. 38%), economy (49%vs. 43%), education (48% vs. 42%), and gay marriage (44% vs. 36%). More people say Sen. Kerry would do a better job than President Bush on healthcare,including Medicare (45% vs. 43%) and the environment (50% vs. 36%)."

And this is the conundrum for the democrats. Failing to "state his case" in an easily understood way, the Kerry campaign dithered away time and opportunity. How could a candidate be so ill-defined after a convention? His team has decided to hit back harder. And he has. But who is listening? Could Clinton's heart problems be yet another Carl Rove Creation? It's time for the Kerry camp to get organized and on message. If they can get any one's attention.

A Wake Up Call For Russia

2004-09-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

The deliberate evil of the brutal attacks against children will be a wake up call for Russia and Europe as well. President Putin blamed his government for projecting weakness. Stating that (and I paraphrase here) that weakness invites attack. What a harsh lesson. France was stunned that their journalists were abducted and threatened. Why do these countries act surprised? Appeasement has never worked. It never worked against governments bent on cruelty and it certainly doesn't work against the blind hatred of Muslim extremists. Unfortunately the cost of this lesson for Russia is the death of their most innocent.
For a well thought out thesis please see The Daily Whim: The Child Killers and the Gates of Hell

More Bad News For Those Who Want To Be In It

2004-09-04T17:42:00.000-05:00

If you are running for office, you want slow news cycles. If you are behind in the race you want slow news cycles in the worst way. Hurricane in Florida, the beginning of college football in earnest and what's going on at LAX?? This is not what Kerry needs or wants. Working through a nuanced message as opposed to simple sound bites, Kerry needs time. And right now time is precious. Meanwhile Bush gets to be on TV doing nice things for Florida, which would not be a big deal if Florida was not in play. To be continued. . .

Can We Get This Thing Started?

2004-09-02T22:57:00.000-05:00

The official posturing is over. It is time for the fall campaign to really begin. Of course the questions of who is winning, will win and why will be asked and answered a million times between now and election day. So here is my "official" prediction.

If the fall reflects this past summer, Bush will win and possibly win big. Not because of a split electorate, but because Kerry will not be able to get out the vote. In order for Kerry to win, he must do at least two things. First, he must define himself. He failed to do so at the convention and left the door open for the Republicans to do it for him. Second, he must be able to get people to actually show up at the polls. Kerry has the same problem that Dole had with Clinton. The Republicans just wanted Clinton gone and assumed the rest of the country felt the same. So they were sloppy in their selection of their nominee and the rest is history. The Democrats just want Bush gone and have committed the same error. Kerry is to easy to tag as inconsistent, unsure and liberal. Whether or not these tags are true, they are easy to make into 30 second ads.

So let the games begin! By the way, I enjoy a presidential campaign almost as much as the Olympics. Does that make me abnormal?

Welcome to EduDude!

2004-09-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the first EduDude post. The title “EduDude” is a rip-off of PhotoDude, a much better site than this one. See The Daily Whim link under "links." (If you go there, remember to behave). I have always enjoyed politics and I have a degree in education. My problem has always been that in education it pays to keep one's mouth shut. No matter how stupid the latest mandate may be, do not speak your mind. So, after a top secret meeting with the PhotoDude himself, I decided to begin this blog.

To be honest I’m not sure how the technology works and really don’t care. I am still amazed by computer solitaire and a nephew in Virginia keeps me updated on the latest computer games. What I do care about is that I now have a place to anonymously rant about whatever comes to mind. Mostly this site is about politics and education and politics in education. And just for honest disclosure , I am just right of center in the political world. There are exceptions to that rule but there will be plenty of time for all of that later. Please feel free to leave comments. Just be aware that intelligence trumps profanity. And PLEASE, no talking points!