Future Debates Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest

The remaining two presidential debates were canned only ten minutes after the completion of the first debate tonight. "This was just God-awful television," stated Snodly Nosedorf, president of the Debate Channel. "I mean, these guys weren't even trying. I told the guys to mix it up for better ratings. And whoever did the audience warm-up will never work in TV again."
Meanwhile, hundreds of viewers were taken to hospitals complaining of coma symptoms. "This is the worst TV coma incident I've ever witnessed," said Dr. Huey "Burrito" Johnson of the Northside Hospital in Alpharetta, Georgia. "The Brady Bunch Reunion was bad, but this is way worse."
Also, the major networks issued apologies for not cutting away. According to one TV exec, "We couldn't find the movie 'Heidi'.' We looked everywhere. People were just yelling, 'get the damn movie, find it quick!' We were just too late."
Debates for other races are now in doubt. The networks are afraid that audiences having such a bad experience with this debate may simply tune out senate and local race debates as well.
Developing. . .