"I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

Today PhotoDude, who I refer to as "Master" (he calls me "Grasshopper"), encouraged me to put my marriage on the line and tell the story of the soupy ceiling. Very well. Master says I can use his couch.

Anyway, my wife - the Great Chef - cooks food. She does the cooking because, while I like fire, I'm not sure about its proper relationship with food. One thing I learned about food and fire is that fire can make the food very black and render to it a permanent bad taste. I have never liked cooking because I like to eat. Me doing my own cooking prevents me from eating. There may be a new diet in all this, but I digress.

So the Great Chef is cooking tomato soup. It's one of her favorites and she cooks it in a fine manner because she understands the proper relationship between food and fire. She does not, however, understand the relationship between things like heavy weight and paper plates. It is that misunderestimation that led to, what we call around here, the "Big Soup Bounce."

Now I am no scientist. Never did well in science. Didn't like science. Never want to take a science course again. However, I do know that liquid, when dropped, is supposed to "splash." The Great Chef has succeeded in suspending the rules of science because she made the soup bounce.
The soup bounced on top of the refrigerator, all of the counters, and the most athletic parts of the soup made it all the way to the ceiling. Believe me, this was very athletic soup.

So I'm not home for this. (Thanks be to God). But I understand that the cats were awed by the steam coming off the floor, the fridge, the counters, and yes, the ceiling. The Great Chef was also amazed to find that bounced soup gets pasty quickly and forms a substance that is only removed by battery acid.

If you are a husband you have the place you go to when you have to be home but she needs to be left alone. I was banished there that night. Finally I knew it was safe to go outside when she came to the office and announced, "I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

Tonight she applied fire to a pizza. It was very tasty.