Edudude Out On A Limb

The official Edudude prediction for this election is as follows:

Kerry 272 electoral votes

Bush 266 electoral votes

All the lawyers will be sent home early. Even though the electoral college vote will be close, unless the candidates want to nitpick, there will be no need for lawsuits. The big battle will come down to this. Kerry will take Ohio and PA, but it will take Hawaii to put him over the top. Of course, if Bush wins Hawaii, everything can change. This prediction assumes that Bush will win Florida. My reasoning is that I know people in the panhandle who didn't vote in 2000 because Florida was announced as Gore's before the polls closed there. If the panhandle republicans, and there are lots of them, show up this time it could make the difference. Kerry will win MN, WI and MI. Bush will take Iowa. Kerry will win Ohio by 2% of the vote.

While other states will be close, it could very well be that Hawaii decides the next president.

Congress will be 53 republicans, 46 democrats and 1 independent.

President Kerry will face gridlock because congress knows that he does not have a mandate to do anything. Even the electorate will be ambivalent towards him. Forty eight percent of the vote wil be for Bush. Combine this with the fact that 49% of the Kerry vote is more against Bush than in support of Kerry, the democratic president will have little support even amoung dems. In 2006, the democrats will lose even more seats in congress. Look for a challenge to the Kerry presidency in 2008 from the inside.

Do you have a prediction?

US Enemies Come Together For Common Cause

It is interesting to watch the world redefine alliances. Alliances have always been determined by common interests or enemies. Sometimes allainces become rather strange. For example, the extremists muslims, the UN, democrats, and Europe all see US power as a danger to the world. Not because it is, but because US military and economic strength prevent each group from accomplishing its individual goal. Muslim fanatics hate the US because of its culture and influence over previously "pure" parts of the world. The US promotes equal rights for women, free speech and other individual rights that fly in the face of the extremists' interpretation of the Koran. The UN, Europe and democrats all want socialism to become the norm world-wide. Capitalist successes, individualism and conservative values fly in the face of the socialist dream. The US represents these things as well. So all of the anti-US forces are now in an incontrovertable alliance of necessity. Each group in its own way is trying to influence the election. Europe through rantings and its press, the UN through leaks of documents to make the current US administration look bad, terrorists through intimidation and democrats through a different kind of fear mongering. All want the US to change presidents, but only one has a legitimate right to the process.
The most troubling of all is that all of these entities see Americanism, or individualism as a bad thing. Entrepeneurship, the strength of the individual, and self-reliance are good things. This is what makes America great. We have always been chastised for what we are. Now though chastisement is no longer seen as enough. Fortunately, the American spirit is alive and well. After all is said and done, and no matter who wins the election, it will be stronger because it is being challenged. And none of the groups aligned against that spirit can stop it.

Osama Plays The Middle

Osama has reared his ugly head again. This time with a twist. By poo-pooing both Bush and Kerry while attempting to intimidate the American people, Bin Laden is going for the win-win scenario. No matter who wins, he can attempt to take credit. If Bush wins, Osama can say that Bush is his choice to fight, that Americans, by electing Bush, are sealing their own fate. If Kerry wins, Osama can say that the Americans cowered and caved in to the terrorist's demands.
In other words, Osama is playing a public relations game: Get publicity and then take credit for whatever happens. It's actually pretty smart. It will not wash in the US, but martyr wannabees will eat it up. Of course, I know this because I know everything. And you know it's true because you have now seen it on the web.

Kerry, Babes, Speedos and Politics

Tonight I realized how blessed I am. I have a drop dead beautiful wife, a decent job, a new house, a great extended family and-----I live in a state that no candidate cares about. Just imagine, if you live in a state with a tight senate race, or a battleground state like Ohio, your life sort of, well, sucks right now. YOU have a responsibility. YOUR vote may decide the fate of the nation. YOUR vote will determine the future of the free world. Meanwhile, MY vote is for stats.

Further, I get to watch all the TV I want without watching cheesey political ads. Political ads are no good because they don't have big breasted women wearing thongs waving seductively at some schmuck who just bought whatever is being advertised. This is supposed to be the nasty election. So where are the nasty scantily clad women?

Picture this: John Kerry is wearing his spiffy speedo gear while standing by his surf board. He is surrounded by half naked babes oohing phrases like, "Kerry is such a man. I would love to know a guy who would vote for him...ooh!" Now that is a commercial. It would show two things. First, that if you vote for Kerry you might meet up with one of these girls and say, with all the swagger you could muster, "Hey there lovely lady. I voted for Kerry. Buy you a drink?" And, of course, she would say yes. The second important point is that Kerry would be shown to have much better taste in women than Bill Clinton. That is, if you can ignore Teresa.
But anyway, I'm not missing anything. We don't get those tacky political ads much around these parts and that makes me happy.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

Around all of the blather concerning the explosives missing from the depot in Iraq one may sense a strategery from the Bush people. First, what do we sort of know so far-

1 - 387 tons of big time explosives are missing.

2 - they were last seen by IAEA inspectors about a month before the war.

3 - they were noted missing about one month after the fall of Bagdad.

4 - it would be almost impossible for the required 100 men and 40 ten ton trucks two remove the material after the arrival of US troops.

5 - the Army is reviewing satalite images from before the war and after the last IAEA inspection that show heavy truck activity in the area.

6 - it is more plausible that Saddam moved the material before the war than after we got there. After all this was his MO. He liked to hide munitions in schools and hospitals as well as mosques.

So why is Kerry on this so hard? Kerry is not trying to convince new voters, he is preaching to his base. This, I believe, is part of the get out the vote portion of the Kerry campaign. He will stick with the story even as it falls flat because that's what challengers do late in a race. Besides, his base really doesn't care if he is factually accurate as long as he beats Bush. For them, Kerry will do until Hillary challenges him in '08.

So why is Bush being relatively mute? Either something did go wrong, or this is the sucker play of the campaign. If Bush knows that Kerry is out to lunch on this and has the evidence to prove it, he can bide his time and reveal it at his choosing. Hoping that Kerry will get too far out on that branch to back up is the plan.

OR Bush is holding on to something better. A dishonorable discharge charge?? Who knows, but the October surprise from either side hasn't been revealed yet. Stay tuned . . .

Terrorists Go On Break, Let CBS and NYT Stand In

It may be too early for post-election event predicting, but that won't stop me from doing it. This prediction is that, if Bush wins, the anti-Bush forces (media, UN, Europe) will be revealed to have over played their hands. The media is now making no bones about their preference for president. I'm not talking about the editorial pages, I'm talking about the news pages. The NYT ran their story about the missing explosives with full knowledge that they were misleading the readers. Exculpatory facts were buried in the story or simply (oops) left out. Add to this the revelation that CBS was going to run the story on election eve as an "October Surprise." Remember CBS? Rathergate? Forged documents? Yep, the same gang almost did it again. While the truth has yet to be sorted out, it is now possible tha the story is at least, in part, not true, and old, and previously reported.

But, who tipped the story? A member of the UN's IAEA. Meanwhile, the meddling of the US election is not just limited to the UN. The Guardian, a leftist English rag, attempted to involve its readers in our election by having them write letters to voters in Ohio.

It will be interesting to see how a second Bush administration will react to these forces. And all along we've been worried that the terrorist would attempt to influence the election. As it turns out, the UN, the NY Times, CBS and Europe are giving the terrorists a break. Why expel energy on this election when so many others are intruding for you?

If Kerry wins, these groups will only be emboldened. But remember, payback is hell. The UN needs congress and the congress looks like it will be Republican. Also 48-50% of the American public will come to realize what these guys were up to. All about the same time that attention turns to the oil for food scandals.

Yeah, payback will be hell.

Wiccans, Jesus, and the Klan

Here is an example of your tax dollars at work. Apparently this school district in Washington has decided that kids dressing like witches for a Halloween party are disrespecting a religion. The Christian religion, you ask? Oh no, if the Christian religion was being disrespected that would be OK. The religion in question is the Wiccan religion. Yep, witches. We wouldn't want to hurt a witch's feelings now would we? And besides some kids can't afford costumes and they might feel bad about that. It seems that when I was a kid that we always went trick-or-treating as bums or ghosts. For a bum, just wear what you always wear and say, "I'm a bum." Ghosts require sheets. However in Washington, you might be mistaken for a member of the KKK. Man, that would be trouble. Imagine the punishment for disrespecting the Klan.
So I sit here in amazement at the sheer stupidity of some school administrators. They get paid for this! I'm thinking about going into administration in my district because you really cannot ever get fired. Make stupid decisions and not suffer the consequences? Yeah boy, I can do that!

Fire Up The Jet, Lovey, We're Off To Hawaii

John Kerry and George Bush tied in Hawaii? What a hassle for the campaigns. Imagine being forced to go to Hawaii. And you know the press pool would hate it. I can hear the complaining from all sides. First go to Florida, then Hawaii, then back to Florida. Running for president really is a tough job.

Teresa, you ignorant slut . . .

John Kerry must have had a time trying to convince his arrogant wife to apologize for demeaning the First Lady of the United States.

Even though the US population does not vote for a candidate because of their spouse, today's revelation about the potential First Lady's attitudes towards Laura Bush must give even the most ardent Kerry supporters pause. Four years of Teresa eruptions, while entertaining, will only cause trouble and distractions for a Kerry presidency. If Kerry is worried that his European buddies think that Americans are arrogant and mean spirited he will have to find away to deal with the fact that he is married to the poster child for condescension.

His wife already provides great fodder for those of us who are the "little people." Mrs. Kerry's plantation attitude towards the rest of us makes me want to write checks I can't afford to the Republican Party.

Even though she apologized (through a prepared statement obviously written by a staffer) her off the cuff remark is a window into the soul of the rich that the left hates so much. And so goes this years race. The task of the Kerry people is to find away to shut her up or keep her on message. Who knows what the next ad lib will bring?

Viagra And The Presidential Race

Does it really matter who wins? With a split electorate, no mandate and a divided congress, all the Viagra in the world will not cure the next president’s impotence. Each candidate is promising different things to the American public. However, both candidates need to keep in mind that congress will prevent some legislation and water down the rest until it is absolutely ineffective. This means that, for those who like the government to stay out of their lives, the next for years will render the executive and legislative branches inert. A Kerry win will reveal pay back time for judicial nominations. A Bush win will guarantee four more years of judicial malfeasance from congress. The best thing for now is that Hillary will have to wait four years (eight if Kerry wins) to make her presidential run and that is good for Americans everywhere.

Meanwhile out in the nether reaches of America, Florida is proving that they want to remain a national electoral joke. Also, in Defiance County Ohio, crack cocaine is being exchange for voter registration. Republican offices have been ransacked and some Democrats are outraged that dead people and felons will be denied the vote.

Democrats are furiously trying to scare three groups of people into voting their way. Blacks, young people and old people all have something to fear from the evil George Bush. Blacks will be denied the vote while old people will lose their social security and be thrown in the street. During this time the draft will be reinstated so we can invade Canada and stop all those cheap drugs from getting in the country. Worse yet, while plans for the Canadian invasion are almost complete, no one has yet to offer up a strategery for winning the peace. A Canadian quagmire, an influx of ill-behaved French speaking socialist refugees inundating our country, a picture too ugly to be imagined.

And it will only get worse. If Kerry is president, we will invade Canada, but only with UN permission and only to go get cheap drugs and leave. A Canadian civil war will surely follow, but the UN will have to solve that problem.

What a dumb debate. But at least it is a fun dumb debate. By the way, I earlier wrote that the candidates have given up on smart people and are now going after the dumb ones. The Kerry plan is to convince moronic non-victims that they soon will be victims under Bush. The Bush plan is to convince New Jersey that Kerry will allow them to be attacked. Both candidates are now only insulting those who know better. Better hold on to your Viagra. . .

The Politics of Texas Hold 'Em

The national craze for Texas Hold 'Em and other gambling card games is now being played out in the national election. Bush campaigns in New Jersey! Pundits immediately jump into the fray as if watching the final round of a Texas Hold 'Em tournament.

"What do you think he is holding?"

"I think Bush is bluffing. He just wants Kerry to think he is holding the cards to win that state."

"If Kerry gets suckered in, he'll be spending time and money in a state he was going to win anyway."

The crowd oohs and aahs.

"Kerry just went to Kentucky! He's trying to draw Bush out of Jersey and Ohio."

"Bush will not pull out of Ohio and appears to be betting that Kerry is bluffing on an advantage in Kentucky."

And so it goes. The game show aspect of the campaign is appealing to some and a big turn off to others. But, either way, we will all tune in on Novembe 2nd and 3rd to see the grand finale. This will be one of the few times that more votes will be cast on something other than "American Idol."

We'll see who was bluffing and who was not. "Will there be a major gaff? Will there be voter fraud? Will we have another president who cannot get 50% of the vote?" The answer to all three is "YES." So tune in early and often. Like the olympics, you'll have to wait another four years for another chance to watch this show.

Thank God It's Over!

The debates are done and I am happy to live in a state that is solidly red. This means that I don't have to endure endless ads like the poor folks in Ohio and the other battleground states. Yep, stick a fork in me, I am done! Now all I have to do is check polls and some sane blogs (the few that are left). Watching the talking heads will be enjoyable because I can turn them off whenever I want.

As for the debates. Who knows? I have no idea why people vote the way they do. All I know is that this election is more about ideaolgy than issues. People will have to toss their hats into either the conservative or liberal tent. How far into the tent the hat goes is up to them. The left still hates the "L" word. Kerry runs from it whenever it is brought up. The right seems more inclusive and will drift center no matter who wins. With Ahnold and Rudy out front and center the right has no choice. Also, a war tends to solidify the right and split the left.

If I am right that idealogy will drive votes, it will be interesting to see if there have been any significant changes in how some states traditionally vote. The northeast will go to Kerry. The south will go to Bush. The far west to Kerry. The near west to Bush. The rest is a best guess. Checking polling often may reveal a trend, but remember to use polling for entertainment purposes only.

So it will be boring unless someone screws up or some amazing piece of dirt is revealed about a candidate. Unless one of the two happens, my focus will drift elsewhere.

Maybe it will be revealed that Bush is a master speaker and that his mangling of the english language is an act. Maybe Kerry will lay hands on cripples and make them walk as Edwards predicted. (Wouldn't that make Edwards a prophet?)

Now that would be good stuff to write about.

"I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

Today PhotoDude, who I refer to as "Master" (he calls me "Grasshopper"), encouraged me to put my marriage on the line and tell the story of the soupy ceiling. Very well. Master says I can use his couch.

Anyway, my wife - the Great Chef - cooks food. She does the cooking because, while I like fire, I'm not sure about its proper relationship with food. One thing I learned about food and fire is that fire can make the food very black and render to it a permanent bad taste. I have never liked cooking because I like to eat. Me doing my own cooking prevents me from eating. There may be a new diet in all this, but I digress.

So the Great Chef is cooking tomato soup. It's one of her favorites and she cooks it in a fine manner because she understands the proper relationship between food and fire. She does not, however, understand the relationship between things like heavy weight and paper plates. It is that misunderestimation that led to, what we call around here, the "Big Soup Bounce."

Now I am no scientist. Never did well in science. Didn't like science. Never want to take a science course again. However, I do know that liquid, when dropped, is supposed to "splash." The Great Chef has succeeded in suspending the rules of science because she made the soup bounce.
The soup bounced on top of the refrigerator, all of the counters, and the most athletic parts of the soup made it all the way to the ceiling. Believe me, this was very athletic soup.

So I'm not home for this. (Thanks be to God). But I understand that the cats were awed by the steam coming off the floor, the fridge, the counters, and yes, the ceiling. The Great Chef was also amazed to find that bounced soup gets pasty quickly and forms a substance that is only removed by battery acid.

If you are a husband you have the place you go to when you have to be home but she needs to be left alone. I was banished there that night. Finally I knew it was safe to go outside when she came to the office and announced, "I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

Tonight she applied fire to a pizza. It was very tasty.

Strategery Of The Campaigns Revealed

It is obvious that the presidential campaign has now entered a new phase. The "BUTT UGLY" phase. This is the point where each candidate must accomplish two things. First, they must fire up the base. This means that misrepresentation of the other candidate is essential. The base loves it when their candidate gets in digs on the other guy. It makes them want to go vote. Even in the world of the blogger, sites who once prided themsleves on polite well reasoned discourse have subsituted intelligent sparring with sheer stupidity. To do this the natural human drive to think must be overcome by a need to express partisan views. These guys are like the natives about to sacrifice a human in an old black and white movie. They start out nice enough but then their behavior grows wilder and wilder until the deed is done. Blogs that I have enjoyed visiting have now reverted to this new standard. I guess I'll avoid them the way a woman must avoid a Vulcan with a seven year itch. Even the "Daily Show" is now really only funny to those on the left. His goal is no longer to entertain, but to get Kerry elected. Venues that were already partison have gotten worse.

But the political landscape isn't just the base. Nope, their is a another group out there. Hence, political goal number two. The second goal is to recruit morons who are over 18. These are the clowns whose IQ suggests that they like the red meat of the campaign. They think that what they are hearing is actually information. It's like a tourist watching alligators being fed rotten fish and saying, "Look at them gators scarf that stuff up. It must be some good eatin'. Hey man, where can I get some of that stuff?"

If you want to see the final episode of this reality TV show, tune in to the next presidential debate. If you want the next president to be chosen based on who wins the debate, remember that the winner is the one who is better at misrepresenting the other guy. That's what this phase is all about.

Fortunately the average American is pretty smart. We have to believe in that. They proved it with good questions in the last debate. And despite all of my complaining, I like the system. At least it' s interesting to watch.

By the way, if you are tourist who likes rotten fish, I apologize.

Monica Lewinski To Attend The Next Debate!

President Bush decided to show up for the debate tonight. This was not expected and the Kerry camp was beginning to smell blood. Kerry was clearly caught off guard but rose to the moment.
But who won? Here are the categories and their winners. No, not topics - categories.

Bush wins these categories.

1. Funny, likeable guy category.

2. Take on the moderator category.

3. Mangle the english language category. (Oh man, he had some moments.)

4. Heartfelt moment category.


Kerry won in these areas.

1. Excuse me while I ignore your question and give a prepared answer to a question you didn't ask category.

2. Look down your nose category.

3. Drop as many names as in a small town phone book category.

4. Having a small Bush-moment category. (Kerry couldn't find the words "spinal injury" so he started listing spinal injuries until he could think of it.)

The category they tied in was, appropriately enough, the tie category. Don't these guys have more colors than blue and red? And shouldn't Bush wear red for red states and Kerry blue for blue states? For the next debate, I suggest that Monica Lewinski pick out a tie for each candidate which they must tie by themselves on national TV. Ratings would go through the roof.

If I missed any categories feel free to add them.

Dateline: March, 23 2005

Dear foreign leader,

How are you? I am fine. I hope all is well in your little corner of the world. As you know, our former president got us into a little scrape in Iraq. Now do not get me wrong, I am glad we disarmed Saddam, but we need a little help. Could you send either troops or money to Iraq? I am a nice guy and, more importantly, I am not George Bush. Now my wife has plenty of money but she won't give Iraq any. She says it's the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't know where she gets that, but when she gets an idea she can be as stubborn as our former president.
So please remember that I am not George Bush and send some troops and/or money to Iraq. Cash is fine. Maybe we could have a summit or something. That would be nice.

Globally Yours,

John F. Kerry
President, United State of America

"I finally got the tomato soup off of the ceiling."

This quote is from my wife. The story is too strange to tell.

A Little More Strategery - A Little Less Talk

Bush found in the last debate that it is much easier to throw rocks than to catch them. Vice-President Cheney threw some pretty good rocks in his debate with John Edwards, however most of them were ones that Bush failed to hurl last week. Bush's first outting this year reveals what happens when a President fails to allow himself to be challenged on a regular basis. Perhaps his prep for the next debate will be more vigorous. Changing the topic in today's speech from health care to foreign policy was also smart by not giving Kerry ammunition for Friday. It's not as if Kerry needs more ammo. The democrats make a living out of trashing good and bad things alike. Trashing the economy and people who have the misfortune of looking as if they might make a decent living is what they do. And they do it well.

Another smart move on the Bush side was to put the debate on Friday night. Many people will not bother to tune in, not because they are bad Americans, but because IT'S FRIDAY! Instead of getting information from a variety of sources, those on the voting fringe will be making their decisions based on ads and sound bites.

These are the candidates' most favorite people in the world. The undecideds who have arrived at their indecision, not through exhaustive research, but through a failure to care until the last minute. These are the easily manipulated. One good zinger in a last minute ad and you've got their vote.

But I digress. This week Bush must look credible and positive. He must present a vision. He must also give long twisted lists of what he will do if he is re-elected. The longer the better. Kerry will do the same. If Bush is lucky, by thirty minutes into the debate two-thirds of the already tiny Friday night crowd will have bailed. He must be firm but boring. That will be the goal. Kerry will bring dull in buckets. It is up to Bush to contribute his fair share.

With baseball playoffs, college football, Mount St. Helens, pro football and decent weather, Bush may be able to avoid the fallout from this debate altogether. Bring on the ads!

How To Keep One of Kerry's Promises

John Kerry has been full of promises lately. The one I will focus on here is his promise to get more countries involved with Iraq. Instead of taking the right tack, that is "he can't get that done," or the left tack, that is "I believe anything that man says because I hate Bush," I will take the center tack - - "what must be done to get more help from foreign sources?"

First, we must define "foreign sources." For John Kerry that would be France and Germany, or "really old Europe." Now that is done we can look at this from the only available perspective, that of France and Germany. You see, there is a reason that these guys are mad at us. That reason can be summed up by jobs, market share, trade, and the value of the euro. Included in this is the fact that these were, at one time, great countries. Not so much now. So combine economics and national pride and you get what we face now. This brings us to the first big question, "what does France and Germany want in exchange for their help?"

The answer is simple - economic power and prestige. That means that in order to get their help we must give up some of one or both of those things. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING else will do. This is not about hugs and kisses and warm cuddly feel good words and platitudes. This is about money, power, and pride.

They will want us to sign treaties for everything from global warming to trade. From International Criminal Court to Israel. We will have to give in to these kind of demands in order to be blessed with aid from the mighty French Military Complex.

But why these agreements and treaties? Simple. If we sign a treaty on global warming like Kyoto, we will agree that we are the major polluter of the planet and will therefore have to clean up our emissions. No one else will need to do near as much. Our companies will have to spend millions to get this done which will cause their prices to go up and make the US less competitive. This is not an environmental treaty, in reality it's a "let's stick it to US business treaty." If we sign a treaty on the International Criminal Court it will be to erase some of our rights to tend to our own affairs. The ICC is only supposed to go after countries that refuse to prosecute their own, but who gets to determine that? This would be a "stick it to US soveriegnty treaty." In every treaty and agreement look at what we give up and what we get and you'll get the picture.


Now Kerry is not a stupid man. He knows this. He is also not dumb enough to admit it. When Bush stated in the debate that he knows how the world works I could hear the collective sigh from all those who like to comfort themselves in the myth that he is an intellectual light weight. But let's take Bush at his word. Is it even possible that his people figured out what Kerry knows? Is it possible that Bush is not willing to trade soveriegnty in order to get that love of old Europe?
Now back to Kerry. The final question that must be considered is this, "How much of the soveriegnty of the United States are you willing to trade for the help of these two countries?"
If you don't mind giving that up - vote for Kerry. If you don't like the idea of giving it away - vote for Bush.

EduDude Gettin' Spiffy!!

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog. Now those of you who wish to leave comments may do so without having to register. Enjoy!

John Kerry Arrested!

Dateline: August 8, 2005.

President Kerry was arrested today only two days after signing an agreement that places the United States under the jurisdiction of the World Court. Kerry is accused of committing atrocities in Vietnam. One Belgium official stated that, "Kerry admitted to committing acts to a United States Senate committee, we just want to know what they are. Of course, he'll get a fair trial."
Kerry complained bitterly about the arrest, "I hate orange! I didn't like it on my face and I sure hate wearing this stupid orange jumpsuit they gave me." When asked about the possibility of spending time in prison, Kerry responded, "Hey, if it will get France to like America, it's worth it."
Developing. . .